


paychecks | woosan

by primel



Category: ATEEZ
Genre: ATEEZ - Freeform, Almost everything is a hint, Angst, Dating is his JOB, M/M, So that’ll only go well, Strangers to Lovers, Woosan, soft
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-14
Updated: 2020-09-12
Packaged: 2021-02-25 22:15:54
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 22,903
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21872818
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/primel/pseuds/primel
Summary: - he wanted to prove to him that he truly cared for him but that's hard to show with a paycheck in your hand.[not edited yet]
Relationships: Choi San/Jung Wooyoung
Comments: 9
Kudos: 36





	1. one

_it was finally the day. even if he begged for it to come slower, now that it had arrived, he couldn't help but feel a little excited._

he had already taken a warm shower and was now brushing his teeth. this toothpaste made his mouth tingle but since he was going on a date, he chose this one. the mint smell being a little strong but he knew it would dull over time.

he looked at the foggy mirror, finally deciding to wipe it, revealing his reflection. the boy frowned. the dark circles under his eyes were becoming more prominent. almost as dark as all of the nights that had betrayed him. it would have to he covered up with makeup today but concealer wouldn't hide the ache for sleep he felt inside.

but it was an important day for him. he was going to get back on his feet and give life another try.

after what happened, he found it hard to leave his bed, let alone talk to anyone, even his friends. still, after a month or two, they broke through to him.

his friends — mingi and yunho — had cheered him up...giving him hope. they even offered to introduce him to their close friend, for a date. at the time, hearing his friends suggest that made his stomach turn. for a moment he even felt anger. thinking his friends were setting him up for a loss cause...again.

but after returning to his job, exploring the world a little more, trusting a little more, he had decided to finally meet this person. his first date in 10 months.

in the beginning, he didn't want to try much. was just going to meet somewhere casual. the gnawing feeling in his gut told him to not set it up for failure. he didn't want to feel broken again.

luckily, another part of him shined through that. telling him to treat himself tonight. make a friend, or more. he wanted to dress up and feel good about himself. so, that's what he did.

he shuffled through the clothes in his closet. it was filled with mostly casual and oversized things. which rose a problem for today. he had almost nothing to wear.

he pondered over wearing a loose sweater but in the back of his mind he knew the other must be coming in something nicer and fitting.

but just before he gave up, he spotted hanger holding up something covered by a black cloth. removing the cloth revealed a black suit and a white button up shirt beneath it. he couldn't remember what he had gotten this for but was thankful that he had.

after he put on the suit he looked at himself. something was off (other than his messily faded green hair) it was such a simple outfit, hard to mess up, but it wasn't him. he bit his lip looking up and down quizzically. he moved his hands to the buttons of the suit jacket and unbuttoned them. he smiled. a small change, but it worked.

it was 5:30 pm. meaning he had thirty minutes to get to their meeting spot. this would be a lot easier if his source of travel wasn't a bicycle...and he wasn't wearing a suit.

he picked up the neatly arranged bouquet he had sat on the counter. it was full of beautiful colors and earthly scents. the boy couldn't help but grin. he was finally going to get to do this again. let himself try to love once more.

he missed treating others to thoughtful dates and lovely gifts. he missed having someone to hold and their soft touches.

quickly, he pushed the thoughts away and made his way to the bike. he missed the blue frills he used to have attached to the handles, but he was getting too old for that. this applies for the stuffed dog on his bed but he could care less.

he set the flowers safely in the basket in front of his bike. the peddles started to turn and off he went. the crisp air filing his lungs and tugging his hair. feeling the world breathe around him. it's times like this that he stayed here for.

as he approached the restaurant, he thought about what he would say. how he could make a memorable first impression. his mind was blank, it had been too long.

he didn't want to make a fool of himself. but he almost expected that he would knowing how he was around boys. surely he would stutter or trip over his own two feet. he just hoped the other would not make fun of him for it.

when he arrived, he stood still outside for a few minutes. his mind telling him to back out now, it was his only chance. turn around and don't come back. but he wanted this. he needed this.

so, he took a deep breath and pushed through the gleaming glass doors.

———

finding out that his date hadn't arrived yet, he decided to wait at the table. he was a little early anyways so he wasn't surprised.

he twiddled with the cream-colored table cloth. starting to get nervous every time someone would arrive. it would never be his date.

so he waited.

and waited.

and waited.

but there was still no sign.

the boy cursed at himself. he knew he shouldn't have come. he knew he shouldn't have brought his hopes up. he shouldn't have been vulnerable again.

his skin was starting to crawl. he couldn't believe he let himself get into this again.

the date wasn't going to show up, he knew that when the other had been an hour late. no text. no calls. nothing.

he shifted in his seat, practically feeling all of the customers eyes bore into him. they pitied him. he had turned away the waiters many times now. the boy held on to his flicker of hope.

that hope only grew when he felt his phone buzz. he hastily picked it up, praying that it was his date. but his lips tugged down as he saw the contact name ' _yunho_ '.

he didn't want to open the message, knowing it had to be about his date. but with another buzz from yunho, he opened the app.

———

yunho

hey, sannie! how is the date going? ʕ•ᴥ•ʔ

yunho

your date hasn't been answering my texts so, i'm sure you're having fun...but not too much fun.

san

yeah, we're having lots of fun actually! don't worry :)

yunho

great! well i'll let you lovebirds get back to it. luv ya! ♡^^

———

the boy put his phone back in his pocket. he didn't want to lie to his best friend. but he didn't want to make it more awkward saying he was alone. he was sure yunho would ask questions and san was almost sure he would break down if that happened.

but before long, as people started to leave and he was on his fourth glass of water. he let the sinking feeling take over. holding back the tears, he pushed back his chair, ready to leave.

but he gasped as he felt a hand gently touch his shoulder. he flipped around, hoping it was his date, following up the man's arm.

but when he reached the face, it was not the one from the photos. "sorry i was late!"

"who are y-" he had started to say to the newly arrived man.

the other let out a chuckle. "i'm your date, i know i shouldn't have left you waiting, i'll pay for the whole meal to make up for it," the mysterious one offered.

this was _not_ his date. his date was a small pink haired boy with a cute birthmark. the person in front of him was much different. that didn't mean he wasn't cute though.

the remaining customers finally started looking away from the table. almost if they had been waiting to see how the story would end.

the other pulled out the opposite chair and gave a sweet smile. "i'm sorry but i think you have the wrong person," san started.

" _whoever didn't show up is an asshole._ "

san flinched at this. "w-what."

the other simply stuck out his hand. "i'm jung wooyoung."

"choi san."

"well san, i hope i can still save the night," wooyoung invited.

san wasn't sure. he was grateful that this person saved him from the embarrassment of being stood up. on the other hand, he really just wanted to curl up under the covers and cry.

but the genuine, cheerful glint in wooyoung's eyes, made him decided to stay.

san gave a slight nod to the other, signaling that the evening would continue. he then, waved his hand toward the counter.

"i think i'm finally ready to order." he beamed, that grain of hope starting to appear again.


	2. two

_yeosang took a different route to the bar today. hoping he wouldn't pass by the restaurant where his date waited._

his friends had set him up with a boy named san. they had originally talked about this months ago, back then yeosang was more than eager to have this date. but the other apparently wasn't.

8 months ago, yeosang was comfortable with himself. finally feeling free as he came out to his friends. he could blush at boys in movies without feeling embarrassed. he could talk to them about boys he thought were cute. he could be him. finally.

but it all ended too quickly when he came out to his parents. they weren't as welcoming as his friends. _it wasn't normal,_ they told him. _the feelings were wrong._

their disappointment left a bitter taste in his mouth. he loved his family and didn't want them to feel that way about him. so, he pushed the feelings back down.

he had only been out for five months before it was put away again. but his friends still tried to pull him back out, to his dismay. keeping the option of san open to him. oh, how badly he wanted to take the dimpled boy on a date...but he couldn't.

over the past few months he had tried meeting up with girls. sure, most of them were kind and funny, but he didn't feel anything romantic. as much as he tried to fake it, he was a bad liar.

when his friends finally received an answer from san, yeosang accepted. he didn't know why. well he did, but after pushing the feeling down for months why did he let it win again.

after thinking about it, he realized his friends probably bugged san about it as much as they did him. considering it took 8 months for him to finally agree, maybe he was dreading this as much as yeosang was. maybe it was for the best that yeosang just didn't show up. neither of them wanted to go, _right_?

which is why he was now sitting at a bar, instead of a nicely lit table with san.

yeosang was here for two reasons. to get drunk and gather some feelings for any girl in this room. he scanned around the room, waiting for someone to catch his eye. it didn't take long before he found one. she smirked and made her way over.

yeosang felt wrong. guilt starting to weigh him down. but it was too late to back down as she made herself comfortable next to him. he gave her a smile, hoping she wouldn't notice how awkward it was. she didn't.

"what's your name," the girl broke the silence.

"yeosang, and yours?"

"bohyun."

they stared at each other for a moment. yeosang more uncomfortably and bohyun enjoying it. "you're really attractive, yeosang, did you know that," she drawled.

he smiled and shifted a bit in his seat. "i've been told that a few times, yes."

they both laughed, making yeosang calm down a little more. but it didn't last long once he realized the look she was giving him. he froze. _he hated this_.

bohyun leaned in closer to him, wetting her lips. he could feel her breath on his skin, too nervous to move. yeosang's breath hitched when she laid a hand on his knee. she was getting too close. he knew where this is going. _this is wrong_ , he thought. no matter how many people told him this was right.

his mind racing with thoughts. he couldn't decide if he should leave or let it happen. but it was too late once her lips met his.

bohyun laid her other hand on his cheek, trying to deepen the kiss. yeosang tried to keep his eyes closed, waiting, hoping that he would gather any spark from this moment. but before long she noticed, he wasn't kissing back.

the girl frowned a little and moved away. yeosang bit his lip. he felt bad. bohyun shook her head, letting her eyes flutter to the ground. "yeosang, if you're not interested you can just tell me."

bohyun felt tears sting her eyes. she felt so embarrassed. the confidence she gained when she was drunk led her to actions like this. but they usually ended in a motel room with a _do not disturb_ sign hanging on the door.

yeosang sighed. he should've stopped her earlier. now he was feeling dirty and she was upset. "i'm sorry," he quietly verified.

"you don't have to be, i should've gotten the memo," bohyun said, forcing out a small smile.

she called over to the bartender, refilling her glass. when would she learn to not let herself do these things. these nights of curious fun could instead be spent with the person she actually took an interest in. but no, she hid out here and picked up anyone who could make the feeling disappear. "do you mind if we still talk, nothing more than that, i just wouldn't mind some company," bohyun softly asked him.

yeosang gave her a reassuring nod as he took a sip of his drink. "actually i do really need someone to talk to right now," he said, a dry laugh escaping his lips.

anyone to distract him from the fact he was supposed to be on a date right now. "why, is something wrong," she questioned.

he glanced up to see her with furrowed eyebrows and a genuine look of concern. "it's nothing," yeosang assured her.

but bohyun wasn't buying it. "i don't know if you're worried about being embarrassed, but yeosang the chances are that we won't be talking much after this encounter," she confessed.

"this is your chance to tell someone without worrying if you'll have to face them again."

yeosang considered her offer. she was right after all. chances are one in a million that they'd meet again. he could tell her anything without worrying about the awkward feeling next time they met. these are things he couldn't do with his friends. his thoughts were interrupted by a buzzing sound.

he felt his heart drop yet again. he knew it was yunho, asking how the date was going, wondering why he hadn't replied yet. yeosang felt so guilty already but with every buzz it got worse. so, he turned fully towards bohyun. "i'm gay," he croaked, watching for any change of face.

instead of the contorted look of disgust he was waiting for, her face stayed the same. no change. just a calm nod in return. "uh, yeah, i'm gay and i'm meant to be on a date with an absolutely beautiful guy, but i'm here."

"why are you here," bohyun sincerely asked.

yeosang ran his hands through his hair. he had no clue why he was here. his stupid reasoning for it earlier gave him the push to skip but now that he thinks about it, he probably just stood up a poor boy. he tried to shake the image of a hopeful san, waiting at the table, excited to talk to yeosang.

"i'm scared," yeosang began, "i finally thought i pushed those feelings down again, i don't want to meet him and feel it again."

bohyun intently listened, hoping after hearing more that she could give him comfort. "i used to feel proud that i was gay, or i guess just proud that i accepted it after my whole life," he sadly smiled, remembering how much happier he used to be.

"but now, after telling my family, i'm more insecure than i have ever been."

a tear rolled down his cheek, he simply wiped it away and kept going. if he stopped letting it out, he didn't know how long it would be before he gathered up the courage again.

"i just can't forget the look, the tension in the room after i told them, the way my dad's face was turning red," he explained, starting to choke on his tears.

"i don't think i could live with everyone i love being different around me, finding someone isn't worth losing people that have been with me my entire life."

yeosang was about to go on but before he knew it he became a blubbering mess. he was finally letting it out. it hurt him to his core, letting his emotions out. but it also felt good.

"yeosang, you have to live your life for _you_." bohyun started, feeling empathetic towards the crying boy in front of her.

"i know it has to hurt, knowing your parents don't believe what you feel is normal, but _damnit yeosang_ , there is truly no real normal."

she let herself breathe for a moment. even though she didn't fully understand the feelings, she hated that others shunned people just for loving. isn't that what the world should run on...love? "normal is such an empty word, we like to make up our own ideas of what it stands for, but really, if we all followed every rule of 'normal' imagine how boring this world would be."

yeosang took a deep breath, calming himself down, now focusing on what bohyun was saying. "for example, i'm deathly afraid of ladybugs, that's not normal, it would be if everyone else in the world felt that same, but that's not the case," she continued, trying to figure out a way to get these ideas through.

"others seem to think that people like you choose to feel like this, i've never understood that, why would you choose a path that you know leads to being judged," bohyun pointed out, yet again feeling angry.

yeosang remembered his family telling him his feelings could be changed. that he could feel that fluttering feeling with girls too.

bohyun sighed and rested her hand on his shoulder. "tell me yeosang, don't you feel normal, don't you feel right when you're with a boy you like?"

yeosang felt his breathing hitch. he did. but having someone else ask him the thought he pushed away, it took him aback. "just because they don't understand, doesn't mean they're right," bohyun went on.

this was the first time in awhile that yeosang had been comforted about this subject. contemplating the fact that this stranger had accepted his feelings. it all overwhelmed him. he dipped his head down, hiding his face from her. letting every tear he had been holding back these past months, fall onto the recently mopped floor.

his shoulders shook, he didn't know how much he needed this.

he didn't even flinch when bohyun pulled him into a warm hug. she comfortingly rubbed his back. "is this okay," she asked, making sure she wasn't pushing any boundaries.

instead of answering, he rested his head onto her shoulder. staining her new violet dress but she didn't mind.


	3. three

_the restaurant considered kicking the two out after their obnoxiously loud laughing. but after how long san waited, they let it slide._

san tried to suppress his laughter but every time wooyoung would absently pull off a dad joke, he couldn't help but let himself go. it had been a long time since he had felt this comfortable. of course, he was fine around his friends but this felt different. he settled with the idea that it was a mix of wooyoung and the alcohol he had been sipping all night.

"you know, before i came over here i was sitting at a booth with some friends," wooyoung began his story.

san followed the other's finger to a booth filled with people, all laughing, not bothered that wooyoung wasn't there. "they're a fun bunch and all but, i had a feeling coming over here would lead to a much more interesting night," wooyoung revealed, causing san to give him a confused look.

was all of this just wooyoung trying to get him in bed? san had finally cleared away his doubts of coming here only for them to cloud over him again.

"no, not like that, i just mean, you've really made this a fun night," wooyoung assured him.

san let out a breath he didn't know he was holding. "and i hate to bring this up but i've been wondering, who were you supposed to meet here?"

san rubbed the back of his neck. he was hoping they could just forget the fact that he was here alone. but that obviously wasn't going to happen. "this guy i was set up on a date with, i don't even know why i showed up," he groaned, hating this but knowing he needed to explain.

wooyoung's jaw tightened. this adorable and sweet guy in front of him was stood up by some sleaze bag. that jerk didn't know what he was missing out on. "i think the reason i'm upset is because, i really put in my all for this date," san scoffed, now that he started venting it was all going spill out.

the other leaned closer and laid his head in his hands. san took this as a cue to continue. "i made this reservation weeks in advance so i could get this specific table," san grumbled, pointing towards window.

wooyoung looked at the view. it was beautiful, he hadn't even noticed before. the street had fairy lights draped across it. not too far away was a quaint lake, the stars and lights reflecting on the water. twinkling. ducks floating on the lake, setting a peaceful mood. finally, he looked higher, this street was full of bustling businesses but not one of them covered up the moon. which was only something you could spot here. not at any more tables to the right or left, just right here.

"not only that, but i bought these flowers, i looked up the meaning for them and everything."

he threw the bouquet on the table. unlike before, they now felt lifeless, colorless. san's bottom lip quivered. hating this feeling.

wooyoung noticed and thought of ways to take his mind off of it. he began to inspect the flowers until he chose one and gently touched it. "what does this one symbolize?"

san's face lit up, excited someone was actually appreciating his work. he scooted his chair closer and tapped the flower. "this is an aster, it stands for patience," he said but started frowning at the end of the sentence.

"to be honest with you, it had taken me eight months to agree to this date, i was thankful he had waited for me," san admitted.

wooyoung felt a tug in his heart when he said that. what made him wait so long. what had held him back. but he decided not to push it, instead he chose another flower in the bunch.

"that's a daffodil, right," wooyoung guessed, hoping he didn't just make a fool of himself.

san let out the most adorable giggle wooyoung had ever heard in his life. he couldn't ignore how his stomach flipped at the sound.

"yes actually, that is a daffodil!"

wooyoung gave an enthusiastic punch into the air, causing another melodic laugh from the other. "it symbolizes happiness and new beginnings," san told him, staring at the flower, an almost nostalgic smile forming on his lips.

"new beginnings," wooyoung cautiously repeated.

the green-haired boy looked down at his lap. he didn't want to talk about his past, isn't that where this conversation was leading too? new beginnings, patience, etc. this bouquet was really a bundle of his hopeful emotions. emotions he had hoped yeosang could enlighten for him. "i-i don't," san stuttered, finding it hard to get the words out of the coil in his throat.

"it's okay, you don't have to explain," wooyoung understood.

san looked back to see wooyoung smiling back at him, his eyes crinkling at the corners. "thank you."

the sweet moment ended as soon as the restaurant doors pushed open. both boys looked up to see a disheveled man. pink hair and his eyes flickered with hurt. san shakily got up from his seat and made his way towards him. "yeosang?"

"san, i'm so sorry, you have no idea," yeosang said apologetically.

this caused a bitter laugh to erupt from san. the onlookers started to notice the commotion. "you're right, i have no idea how sorry you are," san fumed, biting the inside of his cheek.

his anger starting to build up like a boiling teapot, just waiting for the top to fly off. yeosang couldn't look san in the eye, he felt awful. "i waited for over an hour, if you didn't want to show up why didn't you text me, i looked like an idiot," san was clearly ticked off.

hearing san's last statement, wooyoung realized what was happening. this was the asshole. he stayed in his seat, trying to calm himself down before he lost it on this guy.

"i know, but please let me explain to you why i was late," yeosang pleaded, his eyes already starting to well up.

the other rolled his eyes and let out an exasperated sigh. "where even were you these past two hours?"

yeosang felt guilty and was getting tired of these questions. he just wanted to get to the point and try to enjoy the rest of the date. trying to avoid san's eyes he looked to the table he got up from. his eyebrows drew together as he noticed another guy sitting in his seat. "who's this," he prodded, causing san to turn around and see what he was looking at.

there was silence. yeosang's next laugh was laced with irritation. "couldn't even wait for me, looks like you picked up someone else," he spat, letting his stance fall into a smug, relaxed state.

"he waited for hours you _asshat_."

san went pale as wooyoung jumped from his seat and made his way towards them. yeosang's eyes widened as wooyoung grabbed his collar. his hot breath falling on his face through gritted teeth. "did you even think for a second about the boy waiting here for you, did you?"

any courage yeosang had was smashed into dust now. "during the past _two hours_ , he's been telling me about this amazing date he set up for you," wooyoung gripped onto the other's shirt even tighter.

san wanted to go calm wooyoung down but he was frozen in place. he just joined the crowd of people watching. "the view, the flowers, the waiting, he did it all for you and you show up and start accusing him," he was absolutely disgusted with this guy.

yeosang wanted to slip in a sly comeback but he couldn't think of any because in this moment, he was deserving of this anger. he held on to the others hand and ripped them off of his shirt, a rather aggressive action but the frown on his face wasn't from anger, they could all tell.

wooyoung stepped away, clenching his fists but knowing that yeosang was going to apologize. all san could do was watch as yeosang drifted towards him. "i really don't know what's gotten into me, it's been a rough day and i know it's been the same for you," yeosang began his apology, trying to keep eye-contact no matter how much he wanted to turn away.

"i was in denial, not sure if i could bring myself to go on a date with a _boy_ ," yeosang trailed off.

with the last word, san immediately understood where this was going. he lifted his hand and softly patted yeosang's shoulder. "it's okay, i get it," san stared at yeosang whose eyes were now pooling with tears.

a tiny sniffle was all it took before san pulled the other in for a hug. wrapping his arms around the other, hoping this was enough to make him feel better. and it was.

slowly yeosang's cries quieted. he lifted his head up to look at san. "thank you, i know i can't take back the mistakes i've already made tonight but i hope you can forgive me."

this boy had caused san to go from being excited, sad, angry, and empathetic all in a few hours. but san knew the feeling of doubting yourself. he did it for so much of his life. so he couldn't blame to poor boy for still figuring it all out. "i can."

yeosang let a smile rise on his face. he had been a complete jerk tonight, in many ways, but this kind boy understood. he was thankful, yet again. the two stood smiling at each other and feeling comfortable again. the clearing of a throat broke the gaze. san faced wooyoung who stood awkwardly, rocking on his heels. "i'll let you both get back to it, i'll text you later," yeosang grinned, getting the hint.

san nodded and yeosang took a crumpled wad of bills, enough to pay for dinner. the other already started waving his hand, refusing the money but yeosang leaned in and whispered, "this place is pretty expensive, i hope this can help your night with him."

as he pulled away, san felt his cheeks burn. he was on a date with wooyoung right now wasn't he. the thought hadn't crossed his mind yet. yeosang waved goodbye and left the building.

san turned to wooyoung, realizing how cute he was. how he was sharing a meal with him. _oh god_. he quickly hid his face in his hands.

this made wooyoung smile. maybe too big. his cheeks were starting to ache. but nonetheless, he went over to san, resting his hand on san's back, and led him back to the table. the other still covering his face.

"now, how about we continue this _date_ ," wooyoung smoothly requested, knowing the effect it would have on san.

this pushed the other over the edge as soon as they sat down. he let out a small squeak and laid his head on the table, using his arms as a barrier from wooyoung's eyes.

his heart was beating so hard he was sure the other could hear. but he was so shocked he didn't care.

maybe his new beginnings wouldn't be with yeosang. but he had someone else in mind.


	4. four

_his coworkers smiled seeing wooyoung enter work. there was a certain bounce in his step today._

the guy could not get last night off his mind. the way san would blush around him. or how when he talked about something he loved, his eyes would have particular glow to them. he loved hearing his thoughts. the things that came from his pure heart. wooyoung was more than ready to get to know him better.

"what are you so giddy for?"

wooyoung followed the voice to his coworker, park seonghwa. also one of his closest friends. "you wouldn't believe the night i had yesterday," wooyoung grinned, his cheeks turning into what resembled dumplings.

seonghwa didn't usually like to fool around during work but his curiosity got the better of him. "i went on a date," he chirped, clicking his tongue at the end.

the other's jaw dropped. it was normal for wooyoung to go on dates, it's his job after all but he knew he meant something different here. "explain."

wooyoung was delirious at this point, his mind buzzing with all of the things he wanted to say. but before he could get a word out he was smacked on the head with a newspaper.

his smile slipped away as he rubbed his head. "wooyoung, follow me," his boss demanded.

he sighed and waved goodbye to seonghwa, hoping he'd be able to let it out later. he trailed behind his boss, assuming he was probably set up for a date soon. wooyoung pressed his lips together, he didn't want to go. it would normally be easier but now the only one he wanted to go on dates with was san.

he didn't hate the set-ups. in fact he enjoyed them. the customers were always nice and planning couple activities. still, these dates were emotionless, just hopeless romantics (including him) hanging out together, hoping to fill that void.

"what's the job, boss?"

wooyoung's boss crinkled his nose at him. "don't call me that it feels weird."

"sorry, _hongjoong_ , what's up?"

contrary to the tight-lipped look he had earlier, hongjoong gave up the act and created a beaming smile. "7 million won a month...that's what's up," hongjoong cheerfully exclaimed.

a wave of awe washed across wooyoung's tanned face. he wasn't sure he heard that right but he was too afraid to ask again. worried that he was wrong. hongjoong came closer and shook wooyoung's shoulders. "can you believe it, someone's spending that much on you," he burst, his reaction mimicking the others'.

"f-for me?"

"yes, they requested you!"

there was no way. no way someone was paying that much for dates. who in their right mind would do that? "are you sure there wasn't like a misspelling," wooyoung asked, trying to think of any flaw.

"they were _very_ clear about the price."

wooyoung held on to a tuft of his blonde hair, was this real? this was enough to pay his rent for god knows how long. he started to wonder if he should pinch himself just to make sure. "do you want to read about the job?"

wooyoung gave him a nod. hongjoong pulled up the information. the other sliding into the leather seat as the screen flickered on.

———

 **Name** : Choi San

 **Requesting** : #26 Wooyoung

 **Length of Date** : Undetermined

 **Payment** : ₩7,000,000/per month

 **Buyer** : Anonymous

**Notes** : Please take good care of him, considering the payment I'm offering.

———

choi san. he was getting paid to date choi san? hongjoong noticed the boy getting lost in thought. he snapped his fingers in front of his face, bringing him back to reality. "what is it," hongjoong asked, concerned.

"i don't think i can do this," wooyoung mumbled.

the buyer was anonymous and he could guess it wasn't san. the boy had to have known wooyoung was interested in him. so there was no need to pay. "doesn't it feel weird that the buyer isn't the one i'm dating," wooyoung confided, raising his eyebrows.

"are you crazy, do you realize how much money they are offering," hongjoong began, "who cares if customer doesn't know about it, the loner gets a date and we get money, what's not clicking?"

loner. wooyoung bit his tongue at the remark towards san.

maybe if he told hongjoong about last night he would understand. this job could mess up their newly-found relationship. he didn't want to ruin it already. imagine if you found out someone was getting paid to be with you.

"hongjoong, listen," wooyoung was ready to explain but the other cut him off.

"no wooyoung, i'm sorry to break it to you but this is your job, and if you plan on keeping it, you're going on dates with choi san," hongjoong snapped, giving him a stern look.

wooyoung bowed his head then left the room. it'll be okay, he thought. dating a cute boy and getting paid, sounds like a dream. but with the thoughts swarming in the back of his head, he knew this could quickly turn into a nightmare.

***

it was the end of the work day, he had went on two excruciatingly long dates. he tried to be polite and give them their money's worth but, wondering what he could be doing with san made everything else seem boring.

one of the dates was with a girl, she and him had gone to a karaoke bar. they sung their heart out to old trot songs, letting their childish side take over. the girl asked him to find a table once they were finished. when he found an empty table, it didn't take long to notice the flowers propped up in a vase, sitting ontop of the table. daffodils.

which caused the rest of the night's thoughts to be filled with san and him only. but luckily, starting from the next day, his schedule would be full of him.

it was hard not to start playing out the dates in his head. he imagined amusement parks, picnics, botanical gardens, and everything

he could think of, he could only imagine it with san.

once he entered his house, he whipped out his phone. typing away a message to said boy. he had been waiting for this all night.

———

**wooyoung**

are you awake?

**san**

yep! it's late though, why aren't you asleep :(

**wooyoung**

don't worry about me! i just wanted to ask you something before i drift off.

**san**

hm? what is it?

**wooyoung**

tomorrow would you want to meet up with me? maybe go grab a coffee?

**san**

i would love to. what's the occasion?

———

wooyoung sucked in his bottom lip. should he go bold, or play it cool?

———

**wooyoung**

nothing specific. just want to see your pretty face ^^

message deleted

**wooyoung**

nothing! just wanted to hang out :)

**san**

ah okay, should we meet up around 11 am?

**wooyoung**

sounds good!

goodnight san ~

**san**

sleep well, wooyoung ^^

———

wooyoung face-palmed himself. he went on dates for a job, which means he gave out countless flirty remarks everyday. so why couldn't he muster up one for san?

he let himself wallow in self pity for a few minutes before he got up to change. after putting on comfortable pajamas, he slid under the covers.

usually he would toss and turn, wondering about all the productive things he could be doing instead of sleeping. but tonight was different. he wished to fall asleep quickly. wanting tomorrow to be here already.

along with the hopes he'd dream of a certain boy.


	5. five

_it was a restless night for san, which wasn't abnormal. but he had sweet thoughts to accompany him through this one._

all night he had stared at the glowing stars he stuck onto his ceiling. san liked to associate each sparkling star with someone important to him. there was one star, bigger than the rest. it emitted a slight blue glow. it was different and reminded him of his best friend, yunho.

there was another star close-by that one. it made him think of mingi. they were both always attached at the hip. never leaving each others' side. whether it be romantically or platonically, san wanted to have that with someone.

there were two smaller stars in the far corner of his room, away from the one he considered his. those represented his parents. although he did not know them, he kept them in his mind.

as he laid awake he would usually imagine scenarios with these stars. those two distant ones, finding their way towards him. the blue star and it's companion, dancing around each other.

he didn't know if it was the lack of sleep, but he could've sworn one of the unnamed stars started to turn a soft lilac color. san stared at these stars every night. at this point he could point them out with his eyes closed, not even being a centimeter off from their original place. so, he would have noticed it before.

but this lilac star was interesting to him. it seemed to ripple like small, quiet waves. who would this one be?

———

 _shit_. wooyoung sprung out of his bed as he saw his clock blinking the time. _11:10 am._

as he wished, a certain boy appeared in his dreams last night. because of that, everytime his alarm would go off, he would hit snooze and wrap the blankets around him. letting himself dip back into the slumber.

the dream felt so real. he just couldn't let himself break free from it. which now caused him to be late meeting the _real_ san, not the illusion.

he sent a quick text to san, making sure to let him know he would be late. wooyoung didn't want him to think he would do what yeosang did.

———

at the café, san was sipping on his hot coffee. grimacing every time the liquid would burn his tongue. he didn't particularly enjoy coffee, his taste was accustomed to tangy juices and soft drinks. coffee was a bit bold for him. but he did enjoy the bittersweet aroma and cozy feeling it gave off.

it was an intimate café, only holding a few tables. other than him, there was a little girl and her father, a couple, and a lady with her face buried into a laptop.

the father had managed to get whipped cream entangled in his mustache, causing his daughter and him to laugh. the little girl tried her best to reach over the table, a napkin in her small hands. he leaned closer and let her wipe it off his face. moments like that were something san never got to experience.

the couple was made up of two boys. they hid their intertwined hands under the table. even though they weren't being open about it, their loving smiles towards each other was mutual. it was soft and simple, everything san could ever want. _but he had it once didn't he_? he couldn't remember. he could watch these moments and feel them like they were his own. they felt so familiar but so distant.

as he watched the couple, he began to feel a igniting sensation on his arm. it was bearable at first but quickly made his skin burn. he hissed as he lifted his sleeves up. it was like nails were digging deep into his skin. but there was nothing.

no scratches. no marks. but it was there. san couldn't deny that. the feeling of something puncturing his skin and making his stomach sink.

tears threatened to leave his eyes. he shook his head. things like this had happened before. it would pass.

the headache eating away at his mind would pass. the rapid heartbeat would pass. the dizzy feeling would pass.

but soon he was no longer in a homey café. he was in a darker room. cold lights peeking through window shades. tears freely flowing across his face, following no path.

a strong hand was gripping onto his forearm. but san couldn't move. he was too scared to. not wanting the consequences that would come down on him twice has hard if he did. muffled words whirled around his head, all of them threatening. but he let them in.

it was hopeless feeling that took him over. almost numbing the pain by accepting it.

but as a hot feeling took over other parts of his body, he snapped out of the trance.

" _san!_ "

he shot out of his seat, knocking it over. noticing steaming coffee soaking his jeans. "are you alright?"

san looked up to see wooyoung infront of him. "i'll go get some napkins," he said as he rushed to the counter.

napkins weren't going to fix this. but san wasn't even thinking about that. he was still adjusting back to reality. trying to figure out what just happened.

he wasn't dizzy or anything. san was fully aware. it was like he just jolted awake from a deep sleep. everything felt unstable.

wooyoung came stumbling back, holding clumps of napkins in both of his hands. the other boy didn't even acknowledge his return. he was still trying to calm himself down. wooyoung frowned at the sight in front of him. san looked so helpless and confused. he just kept mindlessly staring at the ground.

wooyoung slipped off his jacket and sighed. "what happened," he questioned as he wrapped his coat around san's tiny waist.

this normally would've caught him off guard but he was so out of it, he didn't care. "i don't know, i'm sorry," san replied, emotionlessly.

it hurt to see san in this state. he thought what happened at the restaurant would be as bad as it gets. but this...he wasn't sure what this was. "do you want me to take you home?"

without looking at him, san nodded his head and wandered out of the café, wooyoung following behind him.

———

san sat on his couch. his mind was blank and he was scared to rile it back up. he didn't want to go through that again. wooyoung's lips showed a dejected frown. he had no clue what to do.

"uh, is there anything you need right now," wooyoung faintly asked, hating to bug san but didn't want to see him like this.

"i'm good, thank you though."

wooyoung scratched his head. he couldn't leave him here, not in this condition. "i'm making you some soup," wooyoung decided as he went into the kitchen.

san wanted to protest but it stayed caught in his throat. so he waited, staring at the blank white walls of his living room.

"you know, i've been told i'm an excellent cook!"

wooyoung waited for a response but all that followed was silence. "it was only once, and they spit out my food after few more bites, but i'd like to thank that was because they felt unworthy of my talents," wooyoung chuckled, cutting up the vegetables.

san let out a small laugh, feeling a little bit lighter than before. "but i'll do my best for you," wooyoung exclaimed from the other room.

"thank you, i'd rather not have my grave read ' _death by wooyoung's cooking_ '" san joked.

wooyoung's heart leaped, hearing san's voice. he could tell he was finally feeling better. "no promises," the chef smiled, heating up some possibly expired soup.

san playfully groaned loud enough for wooyoung to hear. "should i be calling my friends and telling them my goodbyes?"

the other tasted a spoonful of his creation and grinned. he picked up the bowl and strolled over to san. "choi san, i'm proud to tell you that you'll live another day!"

san accepted the soup from wooyoung and admired it. just smelling the freshness made him feel better. but the best part of it, was the fact that wooyoung cooked it for him.

he sipped a spoonful of the soup, just incase it was too hot. but it was the perfect temperature. "wow, this is actually good," san acknowledged.

"i know right," wooyoung happily clapped.

san laughed at his excitement about this. it was kind of cute actually. the way wooyoung's eyes would turn into crescents when he smiled. and his little childish reactions to things — _like successfully making soup_ — was amusing. it made him feel carefree. it made him feel like a kid again. which is two feelings he never thought he would put together.

"san, you're staring," wooyoung pointed out, awkwardly.

the other hurriedly gazed back at his soup. his cheeks becoming hot. "and you're blushing!"

wooyoung's teasing made san get even more embarrassed. "n-no it's just the soup is warm," san stuttered, hoping he made a convincing argument.

the other just giggled and shook his head. san gave up the act and sat down his bowl. he quickly started rubbing his cheeks, they were starting to get sore from how he was holding in his smile. "you can't keep a straight face can you," wooyoung smirked, finding it adorable.

"what do you think," san confessed burying his face into a pillow.

"aw sannie, don't feel shy," wooyoung cooed, taking a seat next to san.

he began to move the pillow away from san's face, with much struggle. "let me hide for a little longer," san whined.

"nope."

with that, the pillow was flung across the room. san's blushing and shocked face revealed. "cute," the blonde flattered.

"oh my god, wooyoung, you can't just," san gasped, the end of the sentence turning into random noises and words.

san's sanity was completely out the window at this point. wooyoung gave him no cool down time. "you're so adorable when you stutter," wooyoung chirped, resting his chin on his hands.

the other's face was every possible shade of red. wooyoung had pushed him way past his limit. "i have to go to the bathroom," san stated, practically sprinting away.

he locked the door behind him. once he caught a glimpse of what he looked like he almost screamed. why does his body betray him like this. couldn't his face have stayed the same color? couldn't it have let him put on an act?

san was not trained in the art of keeping a poker face. so, every small thing could set him off. it was curse.

he turned on the sink and started to splash cold water on his skin. but he was starting to wonder if he needed to drown himself in cold water before this color could go away.

suddenly, there was a knock on the door. "hey san, i'm sorry."

san sent a glare at the door and almost as if the other could feel it, he sighed, "i seriously am!"

"please come out, i'll stop saying things like that, we can just watch a show, your pick!"

all of the pleads made san feel guilty. he was being overdramatic but who wouldn't be if a guy like that was saying pretty words to them. "my pick?"

"yes, just please come out," wooyoung begged, a noticeable pout on his face.

san opened the door, walked past wooyoung and plopped on the couch. wooyoung cheered from the hallway. "we're watching _friends_!"

"there's not some kind of underlying message about us watching friends together is it," wooyoung cautiously asked, before sitting down.

san just shrugged and flipped on the tv. "that's just cold," wooyoung huffed as he sat on the other side of the couch.

but he was taken aback as san scooted closer to him. "i can help you warm up," san whispered, winking at wooyoung.

the other's eyes widened. "choi san!"

seeing the other finally get a taste of his own medicine sent san into a fit of giggles. wooyoung groaned and teasingly pushed san over. "the look on your face," san managed to get out in between his laughter.

wooyoung wiped a fake tear from his eye and crossed his arms. "this is just wrong," he mumbled, turning away from the other boy.

san, finally recovering, gave wooyoung a small pat on the back. "i'll stop, now watch this show with me!"

wooyoung slowly turned around to face the screen. san smiled and turned the show back on. he still remained close to wooyoung though. it was hard to focus on the show and his breathing at the same time. being this close, he really just wanted to hold the other's hand and lay his head on his shoulder. he didn't know what it was about him but he wanted to get past the small talk and be something.

wooyoung felt the same way.


	6. six

_needless to say, when san told yunho about what happened with yeosang, it was hard to calm him down. especially over the phone._

"please, just let me get past that part and on to the good things," san pleaded, wishing he never told yunho the truth.

"but san he stood you up, as your certified best friend, i have a right to be mad," yunho argued.

"don't make me hang up this phone," san shouted, setting his hand on his hip, not that the other could see anyways.

"you love me too much to hang," a longing beep cut off the rest.

yunho knew better than to test san, the most stubborn human alive. but after a few seconds of silence, the phone rang again.

"okay, tell me about this _wooyoung_." yunho finally gave in.

san hugged his shiba plushie tighter, biting his bottom lip trying to contain his smile. the butterflies fluttering in his stomach almost made him feel sick. _god, what has wooyoung done to him._

"he was my night in shining armor," san sang-song, falling back onto the bed and admiring his stars.

an obnoxious gag echoed through the phone. "okay, _princess_ , get to the good parts,"yunho prodded.

san peeked at the dinner receipt on his bedside table. he didn't know why he kept it within arms-reach, but it made the whole world shift when he remembered the night he met wooyoung. life was just a routine he followed, until him. something changed. san couldn't quite explain it but he felt like his life was finally moving forward.

"he's caring and genuinely listens to what i have to say," the boy started.

he wanted to paint a beautiful photo of wooyoung in yunho's mind. san wanted to be able to explain every feeling and detail about him. it was so hard to construct his jumbled thoughts into words. "and i love hearing what he has to say, they way he says it, everything about him is endearing," san slowly lacing together all of the lovely things.

"you're getting deep, it's only been a few days," yunho mentioned, starting to worry about his friend.

san was known for catching himself in bad relationships. people who didn't pay any attention to him or we're particularly short with him. he had never found himself in a truly comfortable place. his friends had seen the boy go through so much, all they wanted was for him to be happy. but it was tough for them even to trust others around san.

"don't worry, i swear i'm not getting in over my head," he said since he already knew yunho's thoughts.

san twiddled with his fingers, his mood shifting some. he wished for a time where his friends would listen to his rambles and not warn him about unpredictable futures. the past is in the past. wooyoung was a new world for san to explore, one that was a lot more welcoming than others he wandered before.

san wanted to tell yunho about how sweet wooyoung had been to him after what happened at the café. but he didn't want to let the other know that the ... well ... san didn't know exactly to call it ... but he knew it would scare yunho if he knew it was happening again.

"i'm sorry, you know i care about you, it's hard for me not to overthink," yunho apologized.

san stayed silent, not finding energy to reply. "we've let you stay in too many harmful relationships," the other started his usual rant.

"i'm aware," san deadpanned, causing yunho to stop mid-sentence.

san was tired of his friends babying him. sure he had dated a few less than pleasant people, but none were too bad. nothing to completely ruin him. san was too strong for that.

"yunho, i really like him," san sighed, "he's everything the others weren't."

san ran his hands through his hair, hoping he could quickly put his feelings together. "he saved me from embarrassment, no hidden reason behind it, just because he's a good person."

"he let me vent, trying his best to make me forget about what yeosang did and enjoy the night," san went on.

yunho hated himself for doubting san's happiness. but the boy had a way of distorting reality, whether he realized it or not.

"i trust you, so, i'll trust this wooyoung," yunho faltered, not fully believing his words but hoped they would comfort the boy.

"thank you," san said with a lighter tone to his voice.

san trusted in wooyoung. after only a short time, he felt genuine.

wooyoung wouldn't be like the rest.

———

seonghwa and wooyoung sat at a park bench, eating their packed sub-sandwiches. the grease dampening the wrapper, making them slowly regret getting such an unhealthy choice.

now that wooyoung wasn't going the actual work building, they rarely had time to talk. but they decided to meet up during seonghwa's lunch break.

"i can't believe you're asking me this," seonghwa laughed in disbelief.

wooyoung broke into a sulky pout. "it's a valid question," he huffed.

after finally telling seonghwa about san, he wanted help planning out dates. "you've been on so many, steal one of your client's ideas," seonghwa reasoned.

wooyoung swayed his legs back and forth. he had considered this. remembering arcades, aquariums, and many other dates he had attended. but the thing was, wooyoung wanted san and his date to be special. one neither of them have experienced before. or at least something that was meaningful to one.

"like i would take him on a cliché amusement park date," wooyoung objected, rolling his eyes.

"that's exactly what you would do," seonghwa quietly said, trying to cover up with a cough.

wooyoung hit seonghwa's arm, "you told me your dream date was someone winning you a prize at one of those rigged games!"

"and did you win me a prize," seonghwa challenged, tilting his head, knowing the answer.

wooyoung stuck his tongue out at the other. which only led to seonghwa mimicking him. "i tried really hard okay," wooyoung protested.

"i know you did, 100,000 won too hard," seonghwa teased the boy.

the other stood up from the bench, his eyes digging into seonghwa. "i'm not dealing with this," wooyoung scowled then walked away from his friend.

seonghwa looked at the empty spot next to  
him. a greasy (but delicious) sandwich was his new company. "wooyoung, you forgot your food," he whispered, waving his arms in a silly manner.

but after no response back, seonghwa placed the other's sandwich in his bag. "guess i'll have to give it a new home," seonghwa sighed, "in my tummy."

———

the sizzling of the stove filled him with dread. san was heating up more ramen, groaning at the thought of how much sodium he was about to consume. but it's not like he could afford to eat a nice restaurant every day. to be honest, even when he'd try to treat himself, the dish he would order would somehow be worse than the cheaper fast food near his home. so, why not settle for a safe option?

he tapped the tip of his finger on the smooth white counter. making a dull beat echo through his kitchen. it was so quiet. san was used to this but why did it feel so draining today?

he could play music? but it might give him a headache. turn on the TV? but it'll probably be a news story that'll break his heart. there was something specific he wanted, but he couldn't quite put his finger on it.

before long, the "meal" was done. he sat on the couch with his legs crossed, nonchalantly slurping. it was a normal day. he had experienced hundreds of this same routine, it's never bothered him until now. he needed to DO something. "what the hell is going on," san sighed, frustrated.

nothing sounded appealing but he couldn't just sit. so, he quickly finished his noodles, and slid into his sneakers. the boy couldn't care less if he was leaving the house in sweatpants and a possibly stained shirt, he had to get out. no idea where he was going, but ready to be there.

———

his shoes skidded on the pavement. the further seonghwa was away from him, the more nervous he got. wooyoung's mind was completely blank. no matter how hard he tried to muster up anything, he came back with nothing.

no one he knew would be able to come up with something romantic. he was on his own. because the one person who would have the best advice, is choi san himself. it seemed to wooyoung that he was a deep thinker. someone who would find meaning in everything.

but wooyoung was the opposite. what was on the surface is all he could see. as san might take someone to a his old school playground to share his past and make them feel like kids again, the other would just see it as 'fun'. wooyoung knew he was like that and hated it, wishing he could see everything in something small.

an example being his sandwich, how could someone find more in that other than it being food...wait. "shit, my sandwich," wooyoung exclaimed, noticing the meal was no longer with him.

following the realization, his stomach made a warped growling noise, further worsening this moment. "wan' a bite of mine?" a disembodied voice called out.

wooyoung turned to find the person it came from. wishing he wore his contacts today, but he had only planned to be out for a small time. a figure moved off a park swing set and made it's way towards him. the blob of colors slowly revealed a dimpled san, with a triangle-cut sandwich held out in his palm.

"sannie?"

wooyoung pressed his lips together as soon as the name came out. it wouldn't have been as bad if he didn't drawl out the end, letting a little sweetness seep into it. "wooyoungie," san giggled, making fun of the boy.

"what are you doing here," the blonde asked.

san smiled, "i had to get out of the house, i felt stuffy."

wooyoung was so unprepared for this. he came here to find out where he was going to meet san next, only for him to be in the same park as him. he hadn't done his makeup, hair, or dressed up nice at all. looking down at his ripped jeans and graphic shirt, his stomach dropped. "please don't tell me your worrying about your outfit," san voiced, causing the other to shoot his head up.

"have you noticed what i'm wearing, at least you look put together," san went on.

the boy didn't understand that no matter what he wore, he looked graceful. wooyoung let out a nervous laugh. "i look like a twelve year old."

"i've been sitting at a playground eating a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, i think i win this fight," san replied, waving his snack in the air.

wooyoung gave a nod of acknowledgement. a dorky smile rising on his face. san definitely thought that was cute. almost as much as wooyoung thought the bit of jelly on san's cheek was adorable. they stood still, facing each other. it was fine until they both noticed how long they were staring.

san finally broke the gaze by looking at the ground. sliding the top of his shoe in the dirt, back and forth. wooyoung bit his lip, trying to think of how to break the awkward silence. "do you maybe want to come sit with me," san hesitated, lifting his eyes up to the other.

wooyoung gave a smile of reassurance, "yes, i would love to."

san perked up, relieved with the boy's answer. "okay, follow me!"

he started to head back to his spot until wooyoung gently grasped onto his forearm. san looked back, his eyes glinted with confusion. "hold on, you have a ... just," wooyoung stammered, lifting a hand to hold san's cheek in place.

san felt his breathing come to a halt at the touch. he knew what he thought was about to happen really wasn't. but he couldn't shake the idea from his head as wooyoung's other hand reached for his face.

the other used his thumb to swipe across san's cheek. finally getting rid of the jelly. but also not ignoring how soft his skin was. he switched his eyes from the jelly, back to san's eyes, which were wide open. "sorry, you had something on your face," wooyoung innocently said, grinning at how red san's ears had gotten.

"i could've gotten it," san murmured. still too shocked to move.

"well you wouldn't be able to find it," wooyoung justified, putting his hands down at his side.

san gave out a little huff and pouted. "i could've just rubbed my whole cheek," he scoffed, upset that he let such a small thing affect him.

"okay but," wooyoung started, his mouth hanging open trying to end his sentence.

but in reality he couldn't think of a reason he did what he did. san stared at him, waiting for him to finish. but not too long after, wooyoung sighed in defeat. "yeah, i-i got nothing," he gave up with a light embarrassed laugh following.

"i know you don't," san joked, giving a soft punch to the boy's arm.

wooyoung rubbed the back of his neck, cringing as he relived what he had just done. but san grabbed on to his arm and guided it off his neck. "come on, you dork," san teased, leading him to the swing set he once sat at.

as he held onto wooyoung, he felt a relief in him. the emptiness he had been feeling all day was slipping away.

is wooyoung what san needed?


	7. seven

_the two boys sat together, enjoying their split peanut butter and jelly, which san would usually never share._

the faint sound of birds and meaningless chatter relaxed them. it was a peaceful area unlike all the bustling traffic that occurred a few miles away. the smell of gas was replaced with sparkling water and blooming flowers. instead of beat-up cars in traffic there were ducklings following their mother. the change of pace was so nice, san even considered trying to fall asleep on a nearby bench.

but one glance at wooyoung and it was an easy decision. he could stay awake for this boy. "do you wanna feed the ducks," wooyoung cutely suggested, taking a small piece of bread off his sandwich.

"no!" san squealed as he ripped the piece of bread from his grasp.

confusion crossed wooyoung's face. "bread is bad for them, you didn't know," san warned then popped the piece into his mouth.

"you're telling me i almost killed them," wooyoung contemplated, a line appearing between his brows.

"i mean, kind of, a little, yeah."

wooyoung raised a hand to cover his on mouth, looking back at all the times as a child he fed the animals bread. he couldn't believe nobody had told him before. "we can go get corn though, they'll like that," san softly said, smiling fondly at him.

wooyoung brightened at the idea, not wasting even a second before he hopped from his swing. san, not expecting the reaction, quickly went to follow him. luckily, the convenience store was just across the street. it wouldn't be a long trip.

once they reached their destination, wooyoung excitedly swang the front door open. "welcome!" a male voice greeted from behind the counter.

"oh, wooyoung, good to see you," the owner hollered, a kind smile on his face.

"you too!" wooyoung replied.

he continued to make his way to the back of the quaint store, san following closely, as he was unfamiliar with the place. "hey, how do you know each other," san asked.

"i live right down the street, i come here pretty often."

"since he recognized you so easily, i'm guessing this isn't a popular place?"

wooyoung nodded, his smile slipping. "to be honest, there's another store close by with more variety," he began.

"but i've been visiting this old man since i was a kid, i used to always pick up a chocolate milk before school and he'd sneak me a candy bar every once in awhile."

san's expression softened as he listened to the childhood memories. "business has slowed down too much though, i can tell he's been struggling to keep the place standing," wooyoung sighed as he looked towards the man.

"so, i try to come here as often as can, probably spend more than i should," wooyoung explained with a breathy laugh.

the older boy could tell he was getting emotional, assuming there was more to the story that he wasn't ready to share yet. so, in effort to lighten up the mood, he slid open the clear door in front of them. "i think i can add corn to my meals for the rest of the month," san thought out loud, sending a smile to the other.

"san you don't have to," wooyoung nibbled on his bottom lip, not meaning to pressure him.

san happily grabbed an armful of the frozen food. wooyoung stared at him, mouth agape. it didn't take long for the other to notice the stare. "what, i need my veggies," san nonchalantly said.

"you're crazy," wooyoung giggled, amazed at the effort.

san shrugged, trying to ignore the coldness nipping at his skin. "well i'll grab some for the ducks if you want to head to the counter, unless you're gonna eat theirs too," the blonde jokingly prodded.

"i might have to pass this time," san sarcastically replied, turning on his heels.

someone new had entered the store during their adventures so, san stood behind him patiently. the hooded person in front of them had gathered so much, the owner was starting to let his excitement show. san smiled at this, already making plans to buy from him some more.

but it took awhile to scan that man's items. so, san stared at nothing in particular, letting his eyes be unstrained for a moment. it felt nice. he hadn't slept for a couple a days now, his mind as restless as ever. san would accept any form of relaxing he could get, even if it was in line at a struggling store. but that moment turned into minutes. his eyes already fluttering close. he was still awake but not alert. his arms starting to loosen their hug on the bags of corn. san's body started to slowly sway, his mind quieting the sounds around him.

it felt like his body was melting out of a shell. it felt so good yet disorienting. but before san could slip into that goodnight, he felt a firm hand shake his shoulder.

"san? san!"

the boy's body jerked awake, hurting his neck a bit. "are you okay?" wooyoung's voice was velvety and caring.

if his voice was a pillow, san was sure he could always fall asleep. "yeah, sorry."

wooyoung set his bags on the counter, taking the flushed boy's too. before san could protest, he added, "you can buy us ice cream later."

san's lips turned up, thankful. the other knew san probably didn't care for corn, he just did it in response to the story. wooyoung hated to assume things but the way san gazed at the bags he held in his arms earlier, it was almost transparent that he didn't necessarily have the money to be doing things like that. plus, wooyoung was getting paid to be around him, he didn't mind spending his money to care for him. "so, if you don't mind me asking, who is this young fella?"

wooyoung looked behind him, san looked like a deer caught in the headlights. "this is the amazing choi san," wooyoung responded, using an announcer's voice.

san peeped out a soft "hello" before waving. he was still embarrassed from almost falling asleep. wooyoung felt his heart leap at this shy side of san. "hi san, i'm youngsoo, nice to meet a friend of this kid," the man said, a father-like adoration in his tone.

"hi sir," san beamed, bowing afterwards.

"oh no need to do that," youngsoo laughed, "i should be bowing to you for handling this troublemaker!"

wooyoung slapped a hand over his heart, a small gasp leaving his lips. a blush crept up san's cheeks, feeling like the odd man out. "i'm a perfect angel, what ever do you mean," wooyoung claimed, acting hurt.

even if he felt a little awkward, san enjoyed the two joking around. he could tell wooyoung really had a soft spot for the man, same for the other. "it really is exhausting, do you think you could take him for the weekened, i need some rest," san groaned, clasping his hands together, his eyes sparkling.

youngsoo erupted into a stomached laugh. "wait, are you guys ganging up on me," wooyoung protested.

"of course not," san answered, "we're only stating facts."

yet another chuckle from the owner. he started waving his finger towards san. "i like this one."

wooyoung leaned over the counter, gesturing for the owner to move closer. "can i tell you a secret?"

the old man nodded. "i do too."

even though he acted as if it was a secret, he purposely said it loud enough for the other to hear. san's mouth fell open as he hit wooyoung on the back. a pale red clouded his face. "nope nope nope," san shuddered as he grabbed one of the bags and left the store.

wooyoung picked up the rest and started to go but stopped as the man laid a hand on his shoulder. "he's a keeper."

wooyoung playfully rolled his eyes. "you're only saying that because he made fun of me too!"

even though he was joking, the older man responded with a serious shake of his head. "i can feel it," he preached, finally releasing the other's shoulder.

———

san sat in the dirt, knowing his sweatpants would get dirty. not that he worried if they were ruined but he had to walk home like this. but his mind was too blissed with the idea of feeding the ducks to care.

he held on to the sides of the plastic bag, trying his best to rip it open. his jaw tight and teeth gritted. why was this bag impossible to open?

to his luck, wooyoung wasn't near to see this mess yet. he still hadn't caught up to him. which was fine with san, he still needed a bit to recover from what happened. he couldn't believe wooyoung was able to blatantly say stuff like that. especially having to know by now how it affected the boy.

san didn't know why the words wooyoung said had such control over him. they'd only known each other for a short while. so why did san's heart speed up when wooyoung gave him a nickname. why did his lungs close up when wooyoung sat close to him. why did his cheeks heat up when he offered to do such simple things, like pay for his food.

"need some help?"

san flipped around to see wooyoung hovering over him. he couldn't hide the look on his paled face. there's no way he could've heard what he was thinking about. but that didn't stop him from reacting like he did.

wooyoung plopped down next to him and reached out for the bag. san reluctantly handed it to him, he'd pretty much given up the mission awhile ago. "be careful, it's kind of hard to open," san mumbled, running his hand up and down his arm.

but with one try, wooyoung opened the bag. san, ashamed, looked at the ground beneath him. it wasn't hard to notice the embarrassment. so, wooyoung quickly thought up a plan. he let out a fake hiss of pain as he rubbed the knuckle of his thumb. san shot his head up and scooted closer. "what's wrong?"

"i think i hurt my thumb from pulling too hard," wooyoung said with a sigh of irritation.

san gazed at him sympathetically. he hated to admit it but he also felt a little relieved knowing he wasn't as weak as he thought.

san grabbed one of the unopened packages and rested it on wooyoung's hand. hoping the cold would help the pain. "does this feel any better," he softly asked.

wooyoung nodded, still keeping his face scrunched up in pain. "do you think you hurt it badly, do we need to get it checked out?"

the younger tried to hold in his smile, it was adorable how caring san was being. "i'm not sure but i think i know what might make it feel better," wooyoung added.

"what is it?" san asked with gentle persistence.

wooyoung removed the bag from his hand and lingered it in front of san's face. "kiss it better?"

san gave him a dirty look as he pushed his hand away from him. wooyoung held on the act and grimaced at the 'pain'. "oh god, i'm sorry," san panicked.

"it's fine, you just hurt me physically and emotionally," wooyoung sighed, sniffing his nose.

"shut up," san scoffed, pouring some corn into his own hand.

at the sound of the shaking bag, a few ducks gathered around the boys. this made them both reveal sweet smiles. one particular duck stumbled right up to san's leg. "you're a courageous little one, aren't you?"

san cooed at the tiny duckling. it fluttered its gray wings for a moment, almost as if responding to him. he giggled as he held out his hand filled with pieces of frozen corn. the creature happily pecked as many as it could. "hey buddy," wooyoung sang.

one of the bigger ducks had made it's way to wooyoung, who was happily pouring copious amounts of corn into his palm. "i'm gonna call you, chandler!"

san laughed at the unusual name. "why that choice," he quizzed, staring at the odd pair.

"it's like chandler, from _friends_ , the show we watched," he began, "that was good day, i'd like to be reminded of it next time we come down here."

san smiled at the cute gesture. "then i'll name this one joey," he decided, focusing on the ducking in front of him.

———

whispy clouds started to dissipate as the night covered the sky like a blanket. san and wooyoung had stayed at the park for most of the day. feeding ducks, buying colorful ice cream from a local vendor, and other activities. neither had planned to stay this late. but neither would complain about it either.

stars were starting to shimmer, meaning it was time to go home. the thing was, neither of them wanted to. they laid sprawled out on the freshly cut grass, gazing at the sky above them. it felt weird to san, seeing the real ones, he had grown used to the stars he pinned in his room. "they're pretty, huh?"

san leaned his head towards wooyoung, who was staring back, waiting for an answer. "they really are," san exasperated, surprised at how ease the surroundings made him feel.

cicadas humming, light breezes curling through the trees, and wooyoung's rhythmic breathing next to him. san couldn't help but wonder why he didn't do this more often. his stuffy room had been no help in his night efforts. artificial stars and still air wasn't the best sleep-aid.

"hey san, can i tell you something," wooyoung cautiously asked.

"always."

wooyoung took a deep breath. he didn't know what it was about san but he felt like he could trust him with every inch of his body. this isn't something he would easily tell anyone. but after what happened today, he felt like he could. "i told you that i used to go to that store a lot when i was young, there's a reason for that," wooyoung started, feeling his throat start to constrict.

he felt the tears threatening to spill over. it's hard to talk about. he didn't know why he suddenly felt like telling the story again after so long of pushing it behind him. "that man he saved me," wooyoung went on.

he told every detail of the events that took place. the good parts and the awful ones. it was good to let it out but he couldn't help but feel pathetic as he explained it. he didn't dare look at san's reaction, he was terrified of being judged. san wouldn't be like that, wooyoung knew that deep down. "i know that was a lot to take in, but i feel like i can trust you, i don't know, you make me feel..."

_safe._

his mouth wouldn't let that word escape. it was too vulnerable. wooyoung squeezed his eyes shut as tears fell down his cheeks.

san was still silent. wooyoung was almost thankful for that. but soon, he felt something lay over his hand. he flinched and slowly turned his head to face san. but to his surprise, san's eyes were closed. his mouth was slightly open and his hair messily covered his forehead. san was asleep.

a sincere laugh fell from wooyoung's lips. san truly looked like a puppy when he slept. a cute view for wooyoung. even though he had just poured his heart out, he was truthfully okay with the fact that san may had heard none of it. maybe it was for the best. there must be better circumstances for this conversation to happen again. that was okay with him.

"san," wooyoung whispered lightly shaking the boy.

a groan is all that came out. wooyoung tried again and again. but failed at waking him up each time. wooyoung wouldn't understand it but for the first time in days, san fell asleep. it wasn't likely he'd wake up so easily. "you're lucky i know where your house is," wooyoung said, sitting up.

"okay come on, sannie."

wooyoung knelt down and tried to shift san's way onto his back. with much effort, he finally had san leaning onto his back. he just wasn't sure how to get his legs and arms around him. "woo," a sleepy voice croaked.

"san, are you awake," wooyoung questioned, thanking the gods he didn't have to do this on his own.

a broken hum acknowledged him. wooyoung giggled, loving this san. "do you think you can maybe hold on to me," wooyoung adoringly requested.

he felt a nod on the top of his back as arms snaked their way around his neck. wooyoung lifted himself a bit so san could comfortably put his legs around him. "hold on, okay?"

but san had already fallen back into his slumber. he still held on though, to wooyoung's rare luck.

san couldn't pinpoint the exact moment he woke up during the trip home. but instead of the usual panic he would have, being carried home. he felt safe.

safe with jung wooyoung.


	8. eight

_"so, when we're you planning on telling us what happened," yunho asked, tapping his foot impatiently._

yeosang scratched the back of his neck. he had initially come to hang out yunho and mingi but instead of playing video games and eating candy, he was met with something far from sweet. _confrontation_.

their eyes pinned on to yeosang, waiting for an answer. "to be honest, never."

the other two boys simultaneously groaned. yeosang didn't feel like talking about it, he regreted what he did and it still bothered him. he hated that he let himself doubt it all, not only hurting himself in the process but san too. he was selfish, he knew that.

but san understood what happened. everything was fine. so, what was the problem on their side? "we're awful friends, oh my god, mingi," yunho sighed, rubbing his eyes out of frustration.

yeosang could really not wrap his head around how distraught they were. san had been fine, probably snuggling up to wooyoung and calling each other used up pet names. "guys it's okay, san has wooyoung now, no harm done," yeosang tried to reassure them, not fully registering what was going on.

"you don't understand, we've put him in too many bad relationships," mingi started.

but yeosang was quick to cut him off, "you've told me, but it can't be that awful."

yunho clenched his fists and shook his head. not annoyed with what yeosang was saying because, of course he wouldn't know the full story. but he was more upset with himself. the more yeosang tried to comfort them, the more mingi and yunho were reminded of what happened. "if it was so harmful to him do you think he would have forgiven you both?"

mingi mumbled some harsh words and abruptly left the room. he couldn't handle it anymore. staying quiet. the tension grew, leaving a completely clueless yeosang to try to put things together. "he hasn't forgiven us because he doesn't- " yunho began to say, almost spilling everything out but stopping himself before he got to the most important part.

yeosang sat, staring, waiting for him to finish. but yunho kept his gaze at the ground, biting back the words mingi and him had been hiding for so long. "forget it," yunho huffed and hastily left to find mingi.

the last boy just stared at the door, dazed. he couldn't comprehend what had just happened. he'd never seen them like that, they were always playful and cheery. it was rare to see that side of them. but there was one thing he was sure of. _they were hiding something._

———

the birds hummed and sang-song outside of san's window. light gleaming through carefully crafted curtains, patterns flowing naturally. a hint of strawberries and linen clouded his senses. _safe_.

san's eyes fluttered open to see wooyoung deep in slumber. the rhythm of his chest, falling, lifting, he was peaceful. san wanted to gather every piece of this moment and hold it captive in his mind forever. the shadows of trees landing on his sculpted features. his hair stuck out in every-which-way. who knew setting a mattress in his living room would cause such a beautiful sight. he didn't want to leave this. nonetheless, he had to.

it was tuesday, meaning san had to work. he'd much rather stay cuddled up in wooyoung's warm embrace like he had been for the past few days, but he needed money like every other functioning adult. so, he slowly slid out of the bed, which was significantly harder when the blonde's arm was around him. once he stood up in the cold wake of his living room, he frowned. usually he was excited to work, it made him feel inspired. but today he wasn't feeling it. so, maybe he'd put it off a bit longer.

yes, he would. but still to be productive, he decided to make breakfast. which was san's personal favorite part of his days with wooyoung. ever since their park date, he'd been staying over. the night wooyoung brought him home, san insisted for him to spend the night. he didn't want him walking home alone. it took some convincing but eventually he accepted his offer. but after days of unknowingly falling asleep after playing around, he kind of just, kept staying. that wasn't a problem. san wouldn't have it any other way.

he knew it was almost inevitable for people to get tired of each other after being together for so long. but san really didn't believe it could ever be like that for them. the two didn't need to be talking and entertaining all the time, they were perfectly comfortable just sitting in silence, scrolling through their phones. the other person's presence is truly all that mattered.

somehow, wooyoung even made cooking enjoyable. they'd always pick out a new recipe and attempt it. somedays it was cinnamon roll pancakes, the others it was just making silly faces on their toast. whatever it was, it made san smile to see wooyoung's childish side come out.

san even let himself be a little selfish and _accidentally_ get whipped cream on his cheek, hoping wooyoung would try to wipe it off. it never failed.

but this morning he decided to let wooyoung sleep in, knowing he stayed up late. he wasn't sure why he didn't sleep when san did but he assumed he was probably playing some video game. especially after san introduced him to a cute cat collecting game, wooyoung was determined to get more rare pets than him. he wasn't doing too well. it would be hard to catch up anyway since san had spent more than he'd like to admit on the game.

in honor of that, san decided to make something cat related. _kitty_ _shaped blueberry pancakes? perfect._

he pulled out ingredients from his hickory cabinets, trying to be as quiet as possible. but he was unsuccessful.

" _sannie_?"

the groggy voice startled san for many reasons. first, he was in the middle of reaching for pancake mix, almost dropping it. second, how absolutely adorable wooyoung sounded in the morning. lastly, how he softened at the nickname he'd still never gotten over. "are you making breakfast," wooyoung sleepily mumbled now sitting up, rubbing his eyes.

"yeah, but i got it, go ahead and sleep, i'll wake you up when i'm done," san softly suggested, smiling at the other.

curse the fact that his living room and kitchen were connected. it was impossible not to wake him up. "no no, i wanna help," wooyoung assured him.

it took a bit of time but wooyoung eventually got himself up from the bed, still not fully awake, but up. he made his way into the kitchen and sat on the counter with his legs swaying. "what are we making?"

san thought it was obvious, considering the small counter was cluttered with milk, eggs, and batter waiting to be made. but then he realized he was asking what made it special. "kittycakes," san cheered, waving the whisk he held in the air.

wooyoung couldn't help but beam at action. "are you sure we'll be able to make them," he questioned, knowing their skills weren't the best.

"we can try our best, that's all that matters," san giggled, these pancakes were going to look like blobs of nothing and he knew it.

but it was the fun of making it with wooyoung that made it the best part of his day. "do you wanna stir or flip?"

wooyoung sarcastically rolled his eyes and hopped off the counter. "we all know i'm the muscles here," he commented, cracking his knuckles.

san approvingly laughed and handed him the whisk. "yes, and we know i'm the one with the real precision and talent."

wooyoung glared at him as he cracked the egg. "rude," he huffed.

"just stating facts," san said, putting his hands up in surrender.

before long the kittycakes were finished. san even flipping the pancakes with the pan rather than a spatula. but...the shape...was less than satisfactory. "i mean, if you squint," wooyoung began, doing the actions while he explained, "like, all the way closed."

san followed the instructions and shut his eyes. "wait, you're right, i see it!"

he gleefully clapped earning a sweet laugh from wooyoung. "do you want to decorate it now," the blonde asked, pulling out various sprinkles and other necessities.

san nodded and went to look for the syrup and whipped cream. "of course," wooyoung quietly laughed, not really expecting san to hear it.

"of course, what?"

wooyoung turned to him, raising an eyebrow. "of course, you went for the whipped cream first."

san felt his cheeks burning. hoping that he wasn't implying what he thought he was. "what ever do you mean," san hesitated.

"i know you've been purposefully using that as an excuse for me to get close to you, it was pretty obvious when you did it the third day in a row."

he revealed it so matter-of-factly it caught san off guard. there wasn't a good response for this because, it was true. but san didn't want to admit that so he just faced the cabinet again, looking for more things to use. "aw, are you shy about it now," wooyoung cooed, making his way to san.

when san turned around to go decorate, he did not expect him to be _that_ close. san was halfway between dropping the can in his hand, and holding it with a death grip. "don't think i was calling you out because i want you to stop, it's actually really cute," wooyoung smiled.

at that point san couldn't remember how to breathe. a normal bodily function confusing the hell out of him. but instead of moving away from wooyoung, san did something quite bold. at least for him.

while wooyoung waited for a reply of some sort, a spluttering sound screeched from between them. he looked down to see san had put some whipped cream on the tip of his finger. wooyoung stared back up at him, furrowing his brows. eyes still wide and caught off-guard, san smeared the cream on his own cheek.

it was so dorky, wooyoung couldn't believe it. but to say it didn't make his heart skip a beat would be a lie. so, like the normal routine, he lifted his hand to san's cheek, cupping his face as he gently wiped it off. "guess you could, say you're whipped for me," wooyoung smirked.

"oh my god, you ruined it," san fake whined, shoving the other away.

both of them erupting into a fit of giggles. they were careless. san felt free when he was with wooyoung. it was the best feeling he'd had in a long, long time.

———

they had finished eating, meaning san had to go work. he begrudgingly stood from his seat and headed towards the room. "hey, where are you going," wooyoung asked him.

"sorry, i have to work for a bit," san pouted, leaning against the wall.

this peaked wooyoung's interest. "oh, what do you do, maybe i can help?"

san was taken aback by wooyoung's offer. he was so eager and cheery about it. "i mean, it's not very interesting but come here i'll show you," san offered, holding back his smile.

nobody cared much about what he did. even though his friends would listen to him ramble about his ideas and such, they weren't in to it like san was. which was fine, everyone had their own interests. but when wooyoung offered. san thought he might finally have a chance, someone who understands his passion.

"i kind of," san began as he opened the door covered in vivid stickers, "make berets for a living."

wooyoung was in awe at the room. it was so colorful and bright, it fit san so well. berets neatly hung on hooks, adorable washi tape stacked on his desk, and drawings of fresh ideas pinned onto a cork board. it was so organized and aesthetically pleasing to him. "come here," san beckoned him towards one of the beret racks.

wooyoung sat in an open chair, admiring it all. gazing at the other's art that came to life. san plucked a simple red beret with some hearts on it, and put it snug on wooyoung's head. he leaned back to see how it looked.

_god, wooyoung was pretty._

no, not pretty, some other word that nobody has discovered yet. a grand word that could describe the pink flush littered on wooyoung's cheeks. the glimmer in his eyes when the light grazed him just right. his tanned skin marked with small imperfections. but it all fit together perfectly. creating the godsend boy in front of him.

and this boy wearing one of san's creations, was all he could ever ask for. if the world crumbled and sent them all into oblivion, san couldn't care less. because, jung wooyoung, was appreciating san's work. "these are all beautiful, sannie," wooyoung burst, admiring the charming berets lined up before him.

some were just words and phrases sewed on. but others, you could tell san put his heart into. the way san craftily did the embroidery for them, wooyoung couldn't grasp it. one had a little bunny character, a carrot lazily hanging from its mouth. another was a mass of balloons lifting up an unamused cat. but his favorite, was the one san chose for him. because it made him look at him like _that_.

the way he stared made wooyoung's stomach do a thousand somersaults. he couldn't pinpoint what it was though. _fascination_? no. but whatever was lingering in san's eyes, it had depth. it was pulling wooyoung in whether he realized it or not.

"you look good," san breathed, still in a trance.

"don't i always," wooyoung joked, although his breathy, unaware tone wasn't matching.

they both were stuck. caught up in the galaxies of each other's eyes. discovering milky-ways from the far reaches nobody had ever dared to explore. and it scared them. because something was happening. even if they were afraid to admit it, through all of the jokes and playful flirting, there was something growing.

and it was blooming fast.


	9. nine

_wooyoung rubbed san's back softly, holding him close to his chest, hoping the sound of his steady heartbeat would calm him._

but what he didn't realize was his heart was erratic. his head was blank from shock. all he wanted to do was comfort san but it had been so sudden, he wasn't sure how. so here he was, holding him, burying his face on top of san's head, repeating comforting phrases. "breathe, it's okay, i'm right here," wooyoung whispered, his words slightly muffled.

san was shaking in his arms, muffled sobs seeping into wooyoung's shirt. the two had been like that for around ten minutes now. san clinging onto the other like his life depended on it. that really scared wooyoung. he wasn't sure if it was just a nightmare that had caused san to act like this in the middle of the night. but it seemed to have affected him deeply. so, they waited it out. until san only had shaky breaths left. he lifted his head to look at wooyoung. eyes swollen, he looked exhausted. and he was. "can i ask what happened," wooyoung questioned with a soft tone, making sure he didn't sound pushy.

san searched the ground for anything to stare at other than wooyoung's concerned state. "i don't know," he replied, his voice straining.

the other softly wiped the tears still resting on san's face. "that's okay, we don't have to think about it right now, just come here," he whispered.

wooyoung laid down, patting the bed, signaling for san to do the same. so he did. the blonde wrapped his arm around the other's waist. the two had been cuddling for a while now. the warmth and weight seemed to help san fall asleep easier. but because of the beret incident, they both felt a little on edge about it. neither of them seemed to care this time though. san looking for anything real and wooyoung wanting him to feel safe. the lights were still turned on from the event but they knew there was no chance of rest anytime soon. "don't you want the lights off so you can sleep," san asked, confused.

wooyoung shook his head. "but why," san turned over to face wooyoung.

he smiled weakly, brushing a strand of hair off of san's now damp forehead. "i want you to be able to see everything so your mind doesn't play tricks on you through the dark."

san didn't think he could be more grateful for wooyoung but he seemed to surpass himself everyday. they both stared into eachother's eyes for what seemed like forever. passing along unspoken phrases of appreciation. but still, they couldn't help but think of if the feelings they felt were just dust and bones for the other. still not built and alive yet. but that was wrong. each of their hearts were fully bloomed gardens with careful carved statues and twinkling fountains. sun shining on thriving grass and stone walkways. it would be perfect.

if it wasn't for the places where the sun hadn't shone for san. and the hidden and locked parts of wooyoung's secrets. those horrors were waiting. when they decided to show themselves, it was unknown how much harm they could bring. it scared wooyoung and haunted san. "we don't have to try to sleep, you know."

this broke the gaze. "what do you mean," san wondered.

wooyoung sat up on the bed and grabbed the TV remote. for a moment, it was forgotten that they were only in san's living room. "let's watch a comedy or something, get your mind off things," he suggested, softly rubbing san's cheek.

before long, they were clutching their stomachs from laughing harder than they had in awhile. the cheesy comedy, copious amounts of snacks, and the way wooyoung was holding onto san's hand. it definitely got his mind off things. the panic he had experienced earlier was pushed away. but for how long?

———

the frost became territorial on the cafe window. if it wasn't from the heat inside the building, it would be near impossible to see outside. this caused the place to be more crowded than usual as everyone craved the warmth of a coffee and cake. the two boys were lucky enough to have a table. san even made sure to order their most popular cake, knowing it would be sold out as people swarmed in.

but wooyoung felt sick. he wasn't running a fever. nor did he have any symptoms. except for the swirling and swaying in his stomach.

he had received his first deposit. more money than he had ever seen in his account at once and it was only half of his monthly payment. he could buy so many extravagant and baseless items. but he wasn't happy about it. if anything, seeing it crushed him. san seemed to take notice to his mood change too. "is something wrong?" he asked, setting down his hot chocolate.

wooyoung finally stripped his eyes away from his phone and sent a generous smile to the other. "of course, just rent, you know how it is."

but as soon as he let that excuse leave his mouth, he regretted it. "oh my god, i've been keeping you from work, haven't i?" san gasped, his eyes filled with guilt.

but before wooyoung could tell him other wise, san continued, "do you have the money to pay your rent, do you need any help, i don't have a lot but—"

he was stopped by wooyoung grabbing his hand and rubbing circles on it, calmingly, making him feel all fluttery. "don't even worry about it, i have enough, you don't have to do a thing for me, okay?"

san, not wanting to ruin this moment, let out a defeated sigh. "okay, if you say so."

wooyoung was glad they didn't have to talk about it more because san offering him money was more heartbreaking than he could ever realize. but it took a moment to notice that san was still feeling bad, believing he had been so selfish to keep the other all to himself. "hey, really don't worry about it," wooyoung faked a grin.

san peaked over at him with his bottom lip jutted out. "i'm sorry it's just," san didn't get to finish (yet again) as he was greeted with a mouthful of cake.

he was taken aback by the action but quickly ignored it as the laughter coming from wooyoung was even sweeter than the famous sakura cake.

he attempted to say something snarky back at him but it came out as little grumbles. "sorry, what was that," wooyoung giggled, leaning closer and cupping his ear.

san swallowed the rest of his cake and pouted. "you're a meanie, i could have choked, you know!"

wooyoung couldn't help himself at the sight of a grumpy san. he squeezed the other's cheeks with his hands, turning san's face into what closely resembled a pancake. "aw, poor baby, i'm so sorry," wooyoung cooed.

san decided to quit trying to protest, allowing wooyoung to make him look like an absolute fool in the middle of the cafe.

but there's no one else in the world he would do this for. that's for sure.

———

san gripped his comforter, a lump growing in his throat. wooyoung was in the shower so he allowed himself to think about what had occurred that morning. which only caused it to happen again.

the visions he'd been getting have gone far beyond unsettling. because he could _feel_ it. it wasn't wisps of touches. this was feeling body heat, sharp grips, and spurred emotions.

he remembered feeling fear in his dreams. it was just instinct that he needed to get away but he never felt his heartbeat racing and his head buzzing. these visions though, he even had fully processed thoughts. like there was a buildup even though his dreams were just the climax. because instead of the need to run, he knew to stay like he had been in the situation before and knew all of the possible outcomes.

and the safest way was to stay there and take it.

so, it startled him when in his dream there were very real crescents dug into his wrist, red marks circling his arm, and bruises scattered across his chest, but when he awoke they were gone.

it also wasn't like san to be hungry often. he had always been more of a "just eat as needed" person. but after he had woken up. san felt like he hadn't eaten in days. it was as if his stomach was in the process of being flipped inside out. and he couldn't figure out why.

but the most intense feeling afterwards was that there was nobody to save him.

_alone_.

so, he couldn't help but feel selfish not telling wooyoung what had really happened. because this was the first time he had woken up and had someone there. a real person that he could hold onto.

but san couldn't help but think that would scare the other away.

san didn't want him to know he had someone so broken depending on him. but he felt so ashamed. so _fucking_ ashamed. for having someone actually care about him.

he couldn't choose whether to hold on so tight and never let go or push wooyoung away so he wouldn't have to deal with a mess like him.

but once he sees the lilac boy walk into the living room with wet hair and a toothbrush poking out of his mouth, he decides to hang on just a little longer.


	10. ten

_it had first happened the day after one of san's dreaded visions._

wooyoung and him were grocery shopping after san had eaten about everything in the cabinets. "it's okay, i need to get some more dye anyways," wooyoung had brushed it off as no big deal while san felt bad for causing problems.

but he didn't want to speak on it more as he'd have to explain why he did what he did. "i'm so glad we picked up the dye that night," san smiled, ruffling wooyoung's hair.

after getting coffee that winter night, they went on a simple toilet paper run, but san couldn't help but take a glance down the hair product isle. he was drawn to the lilac color, it gave of a sense of safety, he wasn't sure why. but wooyoung was glad to make a change.

and it worked out in his favor as san was taking any chance he could now to play with his hair.

everything was going well for them ... or at least that's what san thought. but after they had split up during their grocery run, he had seen wooyoung, head hanging, eyes fluttering, about to run into a display. he dropped all of the bags in his hands and ran to stop him. he barely made it in time. "what the hell, woo?"

the other jolted awake, scanning his surroundings. san let go of the end of the cart and made his way towards him. this was so unlike him yet so familiar. this was something san would do. not him. "have you been getting any sleep," san asked him, lightly holding on to his arm, making sure he doesn't fall.

wooyoung nodded, assuring him that he had. but the split second silence he had before he answered didn't go unnoticed. san decided not to push it.

the next time, was after san had multiple nightmares on multiple nights in a row. both of them were worn out. so, san thought maybe they should go to the local pumpkin patch to get some air.

it was really fun at first. wooyoung testing how many pumpkins he could lift up at once, san's artistic side coming out as he examined which one would be perfect for their decoration plans. one moment, wooyoung was strong on his feet, the next he was on the ground, a pumpkin landing on his upper arm. leaving a nasty mark.

and then it kept happening.

the lack of sleep becoming far too much for wooyoung to handle but he would continue to shrug it off. san tried to help by staying quiet after he woke up from a nightmare but the other always just _knew_.

but san finally had enough of it when one morning wooyoung dropped his fourth cup of coffee onto the floor. shattering and cutting his feet. san held back as he applied ointment and bandaids on him. but after wooyoung left for work, he broke down.

the boy had been neglecting himself to take care of san. for so long, he'd let it happen too.

but not anymore.

_"i'm kicking you out."_

wooyoung gazed at his stuff neatly packed into suitcases and san's mattress settled back into his own room. "what, why?"

san bit his lip and scanned the floor, searching for anything even remotely distracting. but _god_ it was so clean now in comparison to the past couple of weeks. wooyoung's socks were no longer scattered among the floor. even the feathers that fell from their pillows had been cleaned up. normal people would be ecstatic to see such a spotless room but it made san sad. those things made him feel at home. it let him know that wooyoung was there. although he thought he could let him stay for longer, the guilt that constantly poked and prodded at him was maybe even worse than having him gone. "i think it's a good idea, you can pay rent for a home you'll actually live in, go to work like normal, and actually get some sleep at night," san tried to explain to him.

but all this did was make wooyoung's stomach drop. even san went silent at his words, noticing how deprecating they were. "are you wanting to kick me out because you think you're bothering me," an odd mixture of anger and hurt were homed in his words.

not anger at san necessarily. but anger at however he let the idea get conjured up that san was anything but a gift to him. the other fumbled with his hands, not wanting to even open his mouth in fear that his voice would break.

"san, i would much rather have a sleepless night comforting you than a sleepless night without you, wondering if you are okay," wooyoung reasoned, taking a step closer.

but san took an _almost_ unnoticeable step back. "it's not like we won't see each other still, i just feel like you're better off being away from me for a bit," san responded.

wooyoung frowned at how the other was keeping distance between them. what had he done recently that had caused this? "no, you're wrong."

"am i though?"

wooyoung tilted his head questioningly. "i heard you on the phone, joking about how you needed to find an alternative to coffee because all it did was make you shake even more," san began, crossing his arms, still avoiding wooyoung's eyes.

"exactly, it was a joke, sure i'm a little sleepy now but it's okay, i'm fine, see!"

wooyoung spun around in a circle and tried to end in a pose but his head betrayed him as the room twisted and turned until he wasn't sure where he was. he started to stumble, getting dangerously close to the coffee table. but before he could fall, san broke and grabbed for him. he wasn't as strong as he'd like to think, so wooyoung's weight brought them both down. the lilac's head was inches from hitting the pointed edge of the coffee table, he squeezed his eyes shut and prepared himself for the sharp pain to come ... but it never did. he blinked open his eyes to see san holding his hand under his head. the table had hit in between his knuckles causing san to wince. but, he didn't move. that's when wooyoung finally saw san's eyes.

they were brimming with tears, a couple beginning to spill over and trail across his cheeks. all of the emotions screaming to be let out, fighting him as his body shook. he was somewhere between glaring and gazing at him. "it's not a joke, woo."

his voice had cracked but it didn't change the severity behind it. the air in the room had stilled. the birds that had been singing their sweet sunday songs had silenced.

"i can deal with myself but i can't do that when i know you're harming yourself trying to help me," he protested, gritting his teeth hoping by some miracle that would save face.

but it didn't. tears fell from his cheeks onto wooyoung's face, sliding down like they were his own. san grimaced as he saw this and slowly moved away from wooyoung, giving him time to adjust himself.

they sat on the spotless floor across from each other, letting the suffocating amount of unspoken words filling the room take over.

"san, can i ask you something?"

"yes."

"wouldn't you do the same for me?"

the only response that came was the drone of the heater. the burning pain in wooyoung's heart only getting worse.

"san, please."

"yes."

san said it so quietly that wooyoung almost missed it. "god, _of course_ i would do the same for you," san said, his voice quivering.

he curled into himself, gripping his hair. it felt impossible at this point. fuck, talking to wooyoung was like talking to a wall.

but i guess walls can protect you. keep you from the cold, insufferable wind. protect you from whatever is outside it with plans to harm you. walls give you your safe place. absolutely unwavering.

but he couldn't take it anymore. seeing the circles under wooyoung's eyes that resembled his own way too closely, or the three cups of coffee he would drink that still left him wanting more, san was tired of seeing him in this awful state.

he missed when he had first met wooyoung. he was so lively with his bright eyes and a bounce in his step. now he dragged himself around and trembled trying to hold a spoon.

san's shoulders were beginning to shake as he let out all of his frustrations. the darkness of his own mind finally beckoning him in. nothing could ever go right. why not give into the darkness? let it all go. stop trying.

it would wrap around him, cold and unforgiving. but why fight it anymore?

but then warm and captivating arms would hold him, reminding him to come back down. filling him with a strength he hadn't felt in so long. oh how rare and magnetic was wooyoung.

"i'll work harder to take care of myself too, i promise, but please let me stay with you," wooyoung whispered, hugging him, filling him with ease.

san nodded, still not lifting his head up. "but i want you to know, being with you gives me so many things that i could never offer myself," wooyoung began.

"you give me so much support and i'm so unbelievably lucky to have you," he continued, resting his forehead on the top of san's head.

it was the same for san. but he couldn't talk now, so he listened.

"i mean, being with you is like a dream which is basically the whole point of sleeping, i'm not seeing the problem," wooyoung joked, a breathy laugh leaving his lips.

now san's shoulders were shaking for a different reason. why was wooyoung being a cheeseball always the key to lightening the mood? it disgusted him at this point.

the boy slowly looked up at the other. traces of smile still there. "oh did you like that, well i got plenty more," wooyoung grinned.

san quickly shook his head, pleading him not to. wooyoung rubbed his chin until his eyes lit up. "san, you are the cream to my coffee," he said with a hand on his heart.

san made a face and covered his ears, hoping to block out as much as he could.

"the peanut butter to my jelly!"

"the milk to my cookies!"

"the rick to my roll!"

with the last one, san slammed a hand over wooyoung's mouth. his dimples peaking out as the biggest smile covered his face. san's giggles filling up that painful silence that they had endured before. "please, no more," san burst between breaths.

"god you're so fucking cheesy," san practically gushed, removing his hand from the other's mouth.

"but you love it," the lilac noted, catching san's hand in his before it got away.

"yeah, i guess i do," he smiled, his features finally rested.

wooyoung moved closer until their knees were grazing each other. he laid his hand on the other's cheek. _magnetic_. san leaned into the touch, shutting his eyes.

san rubbed the pad of his thumb reassuringly on wooyoung's hand. almost as if to say, "it'll be okay." _support._ he let out a breath of relief, knowing that san will hear him out through this.

because, wooyoung didn't mind the way san cuddled up to him after a breakdown. he didn't mind when san flung around in their bed during his nightmares. he didn't mind being the one there to comfort him even if it sometimes costed him his own. _rare_.

san let his eyes flutter open to see the other staring back at him like he was trying to read him. san was a guarded person, or at least he had become that way overtime. vulnerability was terrifying as it had always faltered and fallen. hold it back. always hold it back. but why did letting go sound so ... good? unraveling everything but just for him. san didn't want to fight the feeling anymore. he _wanted_ wooyoung to know how much he meant to him. he _needed_ wooyoung to understand that he was something he couldn't easily let go.

it was always wooyoung it seemed. _captivating_.

passing by the park to see ducks playing in the pond. **wooyoung**.

pulling a blanket out of the dryer just to wrap it around himself. **wooyoung**.

falling asleep at night.

 **wooyoung**.

and to wooyoung, none of it even felt real. when he was the cause of san's smile or laughter. that he got the opportunity to be the one to hold him. the fact that he had found someone such as him in this world full endless possibilities. _dream_.

but now his eyes were no longer staring into his. they were gazing at his lips. san felt his face heat up, losing his pace of stroking wooyoung's hand. he couldn't help his mouth parting as he wasn't sure how and where to breath anymore.

wooyoung glanced back up. san expected a smirk from managing getting him this distressed. but all that came was the corners of his lips turning up, softly. a smile holding only adoration.

and then, san surrendered.

to the feelings, the want, all of it.

before he knew it, his lips were against wooyoungs'. their lips so soft and comforting together. _warm_. the reality of their ghosting touches, longing stares, and trust in each other. after holding back the obvious, it felt so freeing to let go. san grasped on to him, feeling dizzy from the rush. but wooyoung held him, like he always has.

and hell, san could've cried.

how gently wooyoung touched him, like he was holding one of the most prized possessions the world had to offer. scared to even leave the trace of a finger print. but san grabbed on to wooyoung's shirt, pulling him closer and closer because he felt like it could never be enough. he could never get him close enough to show him how he was _everything_ to him.

wooyoung ran his thumb up and down his cheek when he felt san holding on tightly to him. so, he loosened up and relaxed.

wooyoung wasn't going anywhere.

they broke apart to gather their breath. san whimpered as he was in a daze, wooyoung couldn't help but laugh. "well i _really_ can't leave now, can i?"

san let out a shaky breath and smiled, lightly punching the other's chest. he couldn't reply. the lump forming in his throat was fragile.

he was so used to people leaving him that he had even nicely packed up wooyoung's things for him. but he didn't want to leave.

and for the first time,   
san really believed someone would stay.


	11. eleven

_san plucked out a new color, a sort of khaki brown, but he assumed it would make his piece pop more._

brown was something he rarely used on his berets. it made them feel dull and he enjoyed more eye-catching colors. but this time, the idea behind the piece would be enough on it's own. it was important to him and even though it was a bigger project than he usually took on, it was for someone special. so, he diligently worked on it. wooyoung had noticed that and decided he wouldn't bother him today.

"i'm leaving for work!"

san hurriedly stuck his needle in the pin cushion and left his room. he practically skid across their floor (where wooyoung's socks claimed their home again) into the other's arms. wooyoung's once ironed out chambray suit was now crinkled from san's suffocating hug. "i'll only be gone for a couple of hours," he gasped, returning the hug.

san simply hummed as he squeezed tighter, taking in the smell of wooyoung's new cologne. "it must be an important meeting, you smell like man," san joked, pulling away.

the lilac gave him a small bow, "why thank you, i do try."

"oh-ho-ho, you're like a real gentleman, i never could've seen it coming."

wooyoung pouted and turned to open the door. but before he could turn the knob, san held his wrist and spun him around. "you can't leave yet," san whined.

it was playful. they do this every time before he leaves. always.

but san had something else planned.

"because now I can do this," san smirked, cupping wooyoung's face and pressing a short peck to his lips.

when he pulled away, san couldn't help but admire wooyoung's scrunched nose as he smiled, a twinkle in his eyes.

"i don't think i'll ever get tired of this," wooyoung breathed, hovering his fingers above his lips, a silent wish that the feeling would stay.

and before long, wooyoung was out the door and going to work. the sun shone bright that day. most people would bask in the warmth and let it kiss their skin, an absolutely beautiful morning. but all it did was unveil the contrast of wooyoung. a boy who willingly let his own little cloud form above him. casting shadows that he hoped could mask him as his pointed shoes clipped along the pavement. he was off to nowhere in particular unlike what his friend thought. _friend_ ... was that even the case anymore? neither of them had asked to be something more. yet they didn't feel the same as before.

he took a deep breath, his mind swimming in all the possibilities. as much as he wants them to be together, there is so much left unsaid.

and he wasn't sure how to say them.

maybe he would think about it today as he sat and ate his questionably cooked breakfast. wooyoung would mull it over and plan out the right way to say it with no chance of it coming back to bite him. but this whole situation was not easy to explain.

he decided to stop at a place where the food was decent and the staff was fine. nothing too fanatical about it, keeping it off san's radar.

nobody he knew would see him here, wearing a fancy suit, trying to swallow down some dry bread. it would be another successful ruse ... but he would've chosen a different hideout if he'd known who would show up that day.

"i think you're our first real regular here," the waitress, _hyunjin_ , said as she sat down the rest of his food.

"i guess i have been coming here pretty often," wooyoung grinned, taking a sip of the freshly brewed coffee.

hyunjin looked around the room before she sat across from him. "honestly, i'm so interested into why you keep coming back," she began, "i hate to say it but our food tastes like feet."

the boy spit his drink back into his cup, being shocked from such an honest opinion. her eyes widened as she quickly handed him a napkin. "n-no it's really not that bad," wooyoung assured her, wiping his chin with the scratchy material.

"no, it definitely is, your taste buds have just been tortured enough by now that they accept it," she giggled.

wooyoung joined her, covering his face in embarrassment. "by the way, i never got to learn your name," hyunjin hinted at him.

 _there it was_ ... the piercing ring of a bell to signal someone had entered the small restaurant. the chilled wind swifting it's way in before the door could close. footsteps, soft and nearly silent.

"it's wooyoung," he told her.

the door clicked shut, lodging itself back into place.

"wooyoung?"

the boy felt his body lock up, not even sure if he was breathing anymore. _hyunjin's lips weren't moving_.

he slowly turned to look beside him. everything he had been dreading coming true.

a boy with pink hair and birthmark.

———

san decided to get his mind off the beret he had been working on for hours now by inviting over his two friends. they were always good at getting him to procrastinate back in high school, they've probably gathered even more tricks by now. plus he hadn't seen them in so long after becoming so occupied with wooyoung, which they made sure to remind him of.

"what, you love wooyoung more than us now?"

"i bet you'd go get me a bottle of water if i was wooyoung!"

"you have a new cuddle buddy now?"

he sighed after every remark. san knew they were joking around but he began to feel bad. they've been there for him since forever and he had so easily went radio silent on them. "you two know i love you, right?"

that question had managed to get both boys to look away from their game. _that's not good_. yunho gave his signature puppy pout and paused their game. they wasted no time getting up from the floor and sitting on the couch next to san. mingi wrapped his arms around him, "you know how much we love _you_ , right?"

it was heartwarming how they both cuddled up to him, making sure he felt that they would always be there. "don't ever question that, okay," yunho added on.

san giggled and hummed, leaning into their hold. _how could he ever?_ the friends he grew up with. the ones that would carry him home if he scrapped his knee at the park. yunho, who gave him his pants at prom after san had spilt punch on his own, getting kicked out just so san could dance with his first boyfriend. mingi, who had followed the action for no particular reason other than him wanting san to know he supported him too. his friends who never left his side during break-ups. they gave him the love he thought he had lost.

"sorry, i just feel like i need to remind you," san smiled, "let's stop this emotional talk now before i cry."

the others shot up and tossed him the princess themed controller that yunho had bought him as a joke. "join us, join us," they chanted.

san connected his controller, a new wave of competitiveness washing over him. racing games were his strong suit. "don't think we'll go easy on you just because you're pouting," mingi sassed.

"i don't think that'll be a problem," san smirked, revving up the handles of his controller like a motorcycle.

yunho groaned and looked over at mingi. an unspoken alliance being formed. they grinned at each other like scheming children and clicked start.

but no matter how many shells they threw, speed-ups they used, nothing was stopping san.

he may or may not have "accidentally" knocked his _ice cold_ water over onto yunho's back. " _you little shit_ ," he seethed, tossing his shirt off his body and quickly getting back to the game.

san held his laugh back as he saw mingi gulp at the sight. _win: secured._

and it really was. every game they played.

san started to wonder if they let him win on purpose. but that thought vanished as he saw yunho tackle mingi, who managed to get last place each game. "you didn't even get sabotaged, how did you manage," yunho bickered, shaking mingi's shoulders.

mingi pushed the other off of him and scurried to hide behind san. but san easily got lifted off the couch and sat on the floor by yunho. "why the hell are you so strong," mingi cried out, running off to the bathroom.

the two continued to chase each other around his house. san sat and watched, a content smile spreading across his face. he missed this. he missed them.

———

"y-yeosang?"

there was a long pause between them. both for different reasons. hyunjin noticed the unpleasant tension and cleared her throat, "i should probably get back to work."

with that, yeosang and wooyoung were left alone. "can we talk," yeosang cautiously asked.

 _he doesn't know. why would he?_ "sure."

yeosang slid into the booth, biting his lip. wooyoung tapped his fingers nervously on the peeling white table, the air stilling around them. "how's san," yeosang questioned, hopeful.

wooyoung almost snapped at him. _how dare he? ..._ but how dare _he?_

was wooyoung being any better than yeosang was that day? lying to san. sitting here in a struggling restaurant, buying food with dirty money he's made from tricking the other. "he's doing okay," wooyoung replied.

yeosang let out a deep, shaky breath. after listening to yunho and mingi go on about how san had been through so many sour relationships, he couldn't stop worrying. he barely knew the boy but the kindness he showed him was enough to make an impression. "look ... um ... it's," yeosang faltered, "just please know that i regret what i did that day and i'm not normally like that, it was just a tough time for me."

"that's not an excuse," wooyoung curtly said.

"i know that and i'm not saying i deserve to be forgiven but i feel like in that moment i wasn't able to give san a proper apology," yeosang hesitated, afraid to continue.

wooyoung's eyes narrowed as he realized what was happening. "are you seriously going to ask me if i'll take you to him?"

yeosang looked down at his own lap while wooyoung's eyes burned holes into him. the hesitation was enough of an answer. "it's not my decision if you get to see him or not."

"but it is your decision to call him or not."

that wasn't wrong. if he really didn't want them to talk, he could simply say no. they would go their separate ways and everything would be fine. but that wasn't fair to san.

it made wooyoung sick to his stomach to even consider hiding yet _another_ thing from him. he genuinely felt queasy. "wooyoung, you look a little pale," yeosang observed, tilting his head.

maybe it's more than just the guilt.

"wooyoung!"

the boys turned their heads to hyunjin who was running out of the kitchen with a milk jug in her hand. she gave a nervous laugh, "there may be a _little_ expired milk in everything that you've had."

_oh, that's why._

a man in a black hoodie who had just entered, stopped in his tracks. "oh chungho, it's good to see you again, please ignore what i just said," hyunjin said with a fake cheery tone.

the man made his way over to their table. his face still slightly hidden under his hood. "young man, are you going to be alright, do you need someone to take you somewhere?"

as intimidating as someone who wears a hood indoors may be, this man's voice was oddly caring. "he'll be okay, i'll just help him get home," yeosang gave a kind smile as he stood up.

wooyoung immediately jumped out of his spot, raising his hands defensively. not his best decision considering his current condition. "no, i know what you're trying to do."

"make sure you get home safe?"

"you want to see, san!"

yeosang's jaw dropped, "you live together?"

 _oops_.

"yes, no, i mean i have my own place," wooyoung tried to explain, flustered.

"i'll take you to your place then," the other offered.

the world began to tilt, wooyoung gripping onto the table. hell he couldn't walk to the counter, let alone all the way back to his house. "fine."

yeosang rolled his eyes at the stubbornness but at least he had given in. he reached into his pocket for his wallet and set the bills down. wooyoung was too busy clutching his stomach to even protest the gesture. "come on, tough guy," yeosang sighed, hovering his hand behind the other's back, leading him to his car.

he cringed as they approached his beat up car. it looked even worse in the bright morning. yeosang sped up to open the door for wooyoung who eyed him before sitting inside.

if it wasn't awkward enough, the car kept sputtering as he tried to turn it on. _come on_ , yeosang thought to himself. he was not willing to be stranded in a car with wooyoung until someone could tow him, there as a long list of things yeosang would rather do, crawling through a sewer being just above this. but luckily, the car grumbled back to life, barely reliable but he would take it. yeosang pulled out of the lot as wooyoung entered his address into his phone.

it was unbearably silent. yeosang's radio wasn't working, it hadn't been for years. "i'm guessing you don't do well with dairy in the first place, huh?"

 _what the fuck kind of ice breaker was that, dumbass._ yeosang gripped the steering wheel harder, preparing himself for wooyoung's wrath. "i don't need you rubbing your good manners and steel stomach in my face too."

"thank you?"

"not a compliment."

yeosang couldn't help but laugh. "so, if i tell you that you have bad manners and a weak stomach, that's your form of a compliment?"

wooyoung shot a glare at him. "why the look, just trying to be nice company," yeosang fake frowned.

but he quickly shook his head, reminding himself. "sorry, i meant trying my best to be god-awful company," he began, "compliments are the first step to self-love, you know."

wooyoung regretted ever opening his mouth during this car ride. he grit his teeth and leaned his head against the window. the world spurred past him but he tried his best to catch a glimpse of everything he could. they weren't far from his home he realized as they passed the lake where san and him had their first ... date? no. wooyoung has never taken him on a _real_ date. he let out a heavy sigh and closed his eyes, the window knocking against his head, it hurt but he bared it. "i think we're here," yeosang told him.

wooyoung was ready to get out of that humid car and inside his home. but it was still hard for him to move. the other walked with him to his door which wooyoung disliked but it pushed him to finally do something he hated himself for even having to think about. as the stood at the door, he hesitantly turned to face yeosang. "hand me your phone."

yeosang's head tilted but he gave his phone to him anyways. the lilac typed out a few things, even though his subconscious was very against it. "san deserves an apology and i need to stop being so," wooyoung sighed as he handed the phone back.

"so — what?"

wooyoung ran his hand through his hair impatiently, wishing that he would just get the hint so he wouldn't have to say it out loud. but the other stood there, clueless as ever. "i need to stop being so jealous, i guess."

a wave of realization crossed yeosang's face. "thank you," he smiled.

wooyoung looked away, embarrassed. the other took the cue to leave as he could tell it was hard for wooyoung to admit. before he could reach his car, wooyoung called out to him, "please don't tell san we met today!"

"...why?"

he would tell san someday. he really would. but the time wasn't right. "it's a long story, please."

now, yeosang wasn't one to keep secrets, it was one more burden to add onto his back, something to hide with a poker face ... but he didn't want to impose on their relationship. so, he simply nodded and entered his car.

 _someday_ , wooyoung told himself.

someday. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello! i was kind of hoping to not do author notes on this book but i wanted to say thank you all so much for reading! there's a ways to go and much to unveil. but it makes me so happy to see people still reading this mess of a book. i hope everyone is doing well! please please please stay safe.  
> \- dawn.


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